I've heard nothing from him since he texted "good night"...and I have made no contact with him at all since last night.
My mind racing with a million thoughts about how he could be getting a lawyer right now...he could be cleaning out the house right now (while I'm 30 miles away at work)....and on and on. BUT, thanks to DBing and y'all on here....I'm able to refocus my thoughts on me...and my children...and on my day. At least for a little while.
Several times today, it just feels like I can't breathe. You know?
Part of me is just numb. And I like that. It's better than the hurt.
I want this to work so much. I want a new, better marriage with my H. But, I am so tired of the hate that he spews at me. I'm tired of him being so irrational. I'm tired of the name-calling and character assassinations by him. I'm tired of him blaming everything single thing on me, no matter what.
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm basically a good person and I'm trying to be better. The people who know and love me, know who I really am. But, I HATE that he's out there spreading lies about me to all his 20-something year old single friends. I hate that! They don't even know me..and yet hate me.
This whole things stinks. I kept having a dream last night that I was falling out of the sky, over and over again. Yep, pretty sure that is tied to all this. Don't need Freud to tell me that. Lol.
Anyways, just venting to so I won't be tempted to call or text him.
