He's the confused one...

[BRNR]

I won't respond. And honestly, she really doesn't have a leg to stand on as far as harrassment. And it will look ugly for her as me and H aren't divorced and she has proven in the exchange that H and her are very happy together. That is proof of adultery which will get both of them in trouble. I did block H and OW from emailing me. I am done with all this.

[Whiterose]

Hi BRNR

I just read through. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this crap! I've said things too, in the heat and just fed up, that maybe I could have handled better but we get to a point where we just blow.

Wishing you some much deserved peace.

WR

[BRNR]

Thank you WhiteRose,

I brought the OW exchange on myself, I know, but up until today I had never conversed with her except a year ago when she told me they were friends...yeah right.

But I will obtain peace, because I blocked both of them...the only way for H/OW to contact me is through messenger pigeon at the moment. And I guess it will be that way forever...He is Fully Loaded Crazy...

[BRNR]

Also, I decided to be proactive and send these (OW & H's) email exchanges to the attorney. If there are any legal consequences, I better have him well prepared...

[job]

Good idea to let your attorney know what's going on. They don't like to be blindsided by things we've done.

[BRNR]

So a little show down with H today. I was patient and kind and let him look like the jack a$$ he is....

H is confused about the court orders for support and I repeated over and over that I didn't understand them that way, and that if he wanted clarification, he should call his attorney to clarify and not me since we were in disagreement.

I realized very quickly that it didn't matter what I said...he was going to fight me tooth and nail on his court ordered obligations.

So, I called my attorney who said in fact I understood the orders clearly. I guess my H didn't realize how much he indebted himself to this sitch.

Overall, I was proud of myself by staying calm and collected for the most part. I was shaking as today was the first time H and I had a conversation either face to face or over the phone in 4-5 months.

On other matters, I am suspecting H's funds are running nil to nothing because his downright refusal to call his attorney was very adamant. I suspect he has little or no money for the consultation.

So just another day otherwise. Hopefully H realizes I am not going to put up with these games.

So here is to the start of the end with my beligerent angry H. Divorce is the right thing for my sitch...there is NO love or any reason that I want my marriage saved.

[job]

BRNR,
I'm so sorry he's still acting like a Jack @ss.

He wasn't about to call his attorney because he knew that what you told him was correct. He doesn't want to listen to anyone about the orders for support. He wants to be right and no matter how many people tell him otherwise, he's still going to believe he's right.

I'm proud of you. You stayed calm and collected and that just about drove him up the wall. At some point, he's going to realize that you mean business and the games are over.

I do understand why you feel the way you do about your marriage. I felt that way by the time my divorce was finalized. They destroy everything good that they ever had. It's really a shame.

Please take care of yourself.

[BRNR]

Thanks Snodderly,

I am just really annoyed with H's anger towards me. I DON'T contact him, haven't been a source of any of his problems since we don't live together, and haven't pleaded or begged or even remotely requested anything of him and haven't for some time now...

Still confused on why I am being verbally abused. His lashing out and anger surely has nothing to do with me, and I thought once I removed myself, which I have done for quite some time now, it wouldn't be directed at me anymore and instead directed at the appropriate parties...

Remind me again the WHY's and if this will likely at some point end. My attorney had advised me that I need to revive the lines of communication open with H because and for the children, but if I am going to get the verbal beat down every single time, I am not sure why I should....


FEELING ANNOYED!!!

[job]

When my xh was in the throes of the really angry/replay stage. He was so angry all of the time when it came to do w/anything about me, the finances or the home. He lash out all of the time and he purposely did things to try to destroy me.

BRNR, some of them are just plain angry and nasty and will continue to lash out at us whether we are bothering them or not. All you can do is state your business and be prepared for some nasty outcomes. It's really not about you, but they are so damn angry at themselves, their lives, the emotional pain that they are experiencing and their parents. They can be dangerous when they are like this because they have absolutely no "emotional" control over that anger.

My xh was angry from late 1999 and was still that way even after we divorced in June of 2002. In August of 2002, when I had left a check w/my lawyer for him for his share of the equity from our home, my lawyer advised me he was still one angry man. From that time until Feburay 2005, I do not know what his temperament was, but he definitely was still coming to my residence and moving things around in the yard, taking packages off of my steps when deliveries were made and yes, those infamous telephone call all of the time both at home and work. They actually continued until the ow was taken ill.

My suggestion is to prepare for the worse and hope for the best. When they are angry like that, change the subject very quickly and it will comfuse them as well as diffuse some of the anger. Don't try to defend yourself or try to rationalize w/them because that makes them even worse.

Conversations about money, the relationship, etc., will make them angry. The best thing to do is leave the communication line open, but allow him to communicate w/you. Document everything and keep that information in a safe place for now.

Even if you divorce, his anger may still be in place for a number of years. We just don't know how he'll be.

[BRNR]

Just dropping an update, I've been hesitant, because so much happened in a weeks time that I wanted to take some time to absorb what the H3ll was going on.

So last week was a h3lluva week (the shortest version I can possibly muster below):

Monday - I'm at work and OW friend requested me on Facebook. By the time I saw and went to my page, the friend request was rescinded...I wasn't going to accept it anyway, but it was odd. Also starting this day a series of phone calls at my job from a woman who I never heard of, wasn't from a business/company, and wouldn't leave a number to contact her back...this went on for days, and the person kept asking for me by name, but left a different name every time she called. I have a receptionist, so the calls were never put through to me. Thank god, but I have a funny feeling it was OW.

Wednesday - H came to pick up the boys as usual. They were sent out the door without my presence as usual. Oddly, after I heard the door close shut, the door opened and my boys came back into the house stating "Dad wants to talk to you". The conversation was very calm and H was his old self. I got an APOLOGY with tears. Although the apology didn't center anything specific, but rather was as "I'm sorry for everything". H also stated he had to get a second job to pay for his responsibilities with the "house, me, and our children". I was taken back with this as this man hasn't cared about his responsibilities, the house, or even the kids, shortly after he left. I was soooo shocked. The end of the conversation centered around us communicating and keeping the schedule for the kids negotiable so he doesn't lose all the time with his kids, since he is getting a second job. I agreed that I had no problems with this, and honestly, never have.

Thursday - I sent a followup email to H regarding our conversation about the boys schedule and got a reply almost immediately (within 45 minutes). It was very Thank you and nicities. Surprise.

Friday - I had agreed to allow H to have our boys on my night to take them to a game. He picked them up, and was full of more thank yous, have a nice night, he would bring them back the next morning on time, and how much he appreciated everything. At one point in time H called me by his "Pet Name" for me, I was a little set back as he has only used my full first name since getting involved with OW. Weird. It gave me the creeps a little.

Saturday - My girlfriend came over with her kid for lunch and to talk and my S10 came into the room with us. My S10 mentioned that Daddy and OW broke up because of problems but still talk and are friends. Ahhhhhh! Now things started to make sense.

Sunday - My Sis-in-law texted me stating that H confided in their mother and that him and OW were done, that H wasn't moving anymore an hour away and staying in his place that's five minutes away as he renewed his lease again.

So, odd behavior finally made sense by week's end. H has no money, OW and he are done, and I guess H must have reached a rock bottom of sorts, because he now seems to be reconnecting with his family and the children, and seems to want to own up to his "Adult Responsibilities". Also, he wasn't the j@ck@ss he was a few weeks ago and seemed like his old self.

I'm glad he seems to be turning himself around. I hope it last for our children's sake, but I have no expectations. But a comment by my S10 was that he felt like "Dad is trying to win us back, meaning him and his brother." And I do hope that he rebuilds his relationship with his kids. they deserve the great father he was all of their lives with the exception of this past year.