wondering if he is friendly because he is a step closer to D.
A lot of times a rude, angry WAS will suddenly become shades of their old self, usually after D. I think a lot of the angry behavior is intentional, they think it will help the LBS to move on. My W actually did this to me, she got downright mean a while after BD. Then one day she came to me and said "I can't do this anymore, you don't deserve it." When I asked her what she meant, she said she was treating me bad because she thought it would be "easier" for me to accept we were done. But she felt bad because I had always been nice to her and remained so even after BD, so I didn't "deserve" the rude treatment. And sure enough she stopped after that and has been kind/ cordial ever since. So your H may be lowering his "mean" facade a little bit since D is getting closer.
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So, tell me...(again) do I say nothing about ow? That feels like I am just turning a blind eye.
Silence can have more impact on him than saying something. He probably WANTS you to say something so he can turn it into a fight and blame you for instigating it to relieve some of his guilt. So when you don't say anything it drives him crazy because you're not following the pattern he's expecting. You're doing a 180
