Well TTD, I'm sorry to hear what your H is putting you thru...It cant be nice to hear the stuff he is saying..You have a PMA that will keep you strong.....
Just reading your thread is starting to make me understand I might not have it so bad after all not hearing from my S. Hmmmm..... Keep being strong TTD b/c one of the things I always notice (and helps me) from you is how you are so able to keep up your PMA.... But hey, there are always a few tough days thrown in. Dont let them beat you down...
Ugh, TTD, it makes me so irritated that he is such a bully to you. You wonder how people like that make it as far in life as they do! He is feeling ugly inside, so he has to make you feel that way. But you are not. You are a good, positive person with a great S and you have goals in your life. And you are so funny!
He may be a nutwing now, but it will come back to him some day soon and he will really not be happy. Keep up the good fight, you will get the happiness you deserve.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Hi I'm back the weekend went ok and my mum behaved herself, lol. I took her round the cathedral and she said it was one of the best ones she's been to We were in time for evensong and were treated to the full choir and organist She said the music was beautiful and she had tears in her eyes. We went to a little cafe nearby and mum said it's been the best day she's had in a long time My room was lovely The bed was a bit lumpy, but I was so tired by the time I got to bed that I slept really well I really enjoyed my time and so did my son The only thing that spoilt it was H ringing me! He went on again about telling my mum that he was a pig and a B******! I told him not to start. He said he wanted my mum to pay for the divorce that he wants and I don't. It all comes down to money again! I told him that if he wants a D, then he's going to have to pay for it! He didn't like that, so he started threatening me with joint custody. He said that my son can choose who he wants to live with now and if anyone came round to the house then they'd give him full custody. Again, he's after the carer's allowance that I get for my son. He then went on to tell me about which bits I've not cleaned and I felt really down. I tried to cheer myself up for the meal, but I was still feeling a bit miserable. However, after 3 glasses of wine I cheered up a bit, lol.
Welcome back TTD. Glad you had a good weekend and that your mum behaved herself – lol .
Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180
After my mum had gone up to bed, I tried to see what I could find online. I came across a women's helpline that deals with physical and emotional abuse. One of the questions was - Does he threaten you? Well the answer was yes. I rang them up and they talked to me over the phone and said that they'll be in touch today. They rang back today and said they didn't cover my town and put me in touch with another group that did! A few hours later someone rang me and has offered me emotional and practical support. It sounds like a counselling service and the practical support sounds interesting Maybe they'll give me a cleaner, lol.
I’m also glad that you took this step. Having been on the other side (policing side that is) I know that getting some women to take this step is often near impossible. Emotional abuse is lot harder to prove than physical abuse which makes it worse as well – invisible scars. Bullying is a form of abuse and I’m glad you have acknowledged it . Wish my youngest sister would.
Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180
This women's support doesn't contact H at all which is good /quote] Of course they won’t, but they will be able to provide or point you to any support and help you need. And if worse comes to worst, they can help with getting you and your son into a shelter, or any other protection you might need. Don’t ever regret taking that step – you’re doing the right thing.
[quote=TryingToDo180] I was worried all morning as my H took my son out and I thought when I saw my son next he would announce that he is moving in with dad However he didn't thank goodness, but I had to wait until I saw my son at 4.15pm. It was a day of waiting and has left me physically and mentally exhausted. Physically exhausted because I didn't get to bed until late and although I got some quality sleep it wasn't enough!
Tiredness can make a bad sitch seem worse. Your son is old enough to be considered an adult but with his autism it is possible that the courts wouldn’t see it that way. If he’s like my oldest nephew, it is medically documented that his mental age is not as old as his physical age, which can be taken into account in the courts if it comes to it. Now that you’ve contacted the women’s support group, they should be able help out there as well.
You can do this. You’ve got the PMA – and we’re all allowed a bad day once in a while. Remember you’re not alone – you’ve always got your friends here to give you the moral support you need .
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Thanks everyone for your uplifting comments I feel tons better today You're right NQ, the sitch always seems worse when you're tired. I was tired on Monday and it always seems to be when this girl gets me the most. now I know why! Early night for me on Sundays from now on, lol. I've been looking into this joint custody thing. I don't really think he's got a leg to stand on. The most important thing that will go towards me is that I've always been his main carer. The other things that go in my favour is that my H doesn't understand my son's needs, the fact that he changes my son's routine at the last minute speaks volumes! My son knows where he is when he's with me, He's got a fairly fixed routine, if he was with his dad then it will be all over the place! Also the fact that he comes back from his dad's tired can also go in my favour and the biggest one of all...I'm saving the best til last...The time spent with my H has got to equal 20% which is laughable. He's not seen my son for 3 Sundays now! Also when my H said he wanted to have half the carer's allowance, doesn't he realise that we'll both miss out? If I don't care for my son for so many hours in the week, then I have to give up my carer's allowance. You can't split it into 2! 2old, what have I been telling you all along, you've got it better than me, lol. At least you don't have the hassles of seeing your W, lol. Anyway from now on in, he won't be having any favours from me, I'm getting a chain fitted on the door asap so he can't just walk in and help himself to toast and coffee and wander round the house to see what he can pick up on. Thanks for the vote of confidence that I'm doing the right thing by continuing my studies and going to see women's aid Jerseybeachmama welcome to my thread stick around, it's not always doom and gloom on this thread You can join our little gang
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
TTD180, sorry to hear about all the H issues. Thank goodness you have gotten onto some local support network. Sometimes it is easier not seeing the other half, as you said to 2old, especially when they act like your H. Other than that, all I can say is hugs. You may also want to think about recording some of your conversations with your H.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Thanks HWA I don't intend to speak to him at all anytime soon and I bet you he'll be trying to butter me up next time when he wants something! I will try to record the conversations, I'll have to figure out how to do that from my phone Thanks for the hugs as well, much appreciated
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I feel tons better today I had a word with my tutor who said that I shouldn't bottle it all up and should try and stay clear of the girl in the class. She said we're like chalk and cheese and we just wind each other up the wrong way! Not heard from H today which is a good thing I'll be doing some more cleaning and tidying in a bit and getting our supper ready Not heard anymore about this joint custody lark, I think it was an empty threat!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yes he needs to be put on the naughty step, lol Don't get me wrong, I'm not against joint custody, but I think H is doing it for the wrong reasons (extra money!). If he wants joint custody, then he can come and ask me nicely not throw his toys out of his pram, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
the weekend went ok and my mum behaved herself, lol. I took her round the cathedral and she said it was one of the best ones she's been to 
.
However he didn't thank goodness, but I had to wait until I saw my son at 4.15pm. It was a day of waiting and has left me physically and mentally exhausted. Physically exhausted because I didn't get to bed until late and although I got some quality sleep it wasn't enough!