wife hardends heart-4

[planet]

I'm thinking about my situation here in what used to be my home. Never got used to that feeling of not owning it anymore.
My relationship with W is indeed strange. I mean I have the keys to the house. W will leave a space for me to park my car everyday. I still have my cup in the kitchen. Our pictures were still up until recently but I did expect them to be removed at some point. My dinner is still available. It's almost like I'm just not sleeping there but the rest remains the same.
W relationship with OM is even stranger. I feel they are dating but it doesnt look like it. I think W is just maintaining him in the friend zone for now. OM is waiting on her I suppose. I just wish W would tell me what is the status now so I could just move on. W will not tell the guys who's interested that she's already dating me for fear of hurting their feelings in the past. I was hurt I'm not being acknowledged back then. I would think this would be the case if W and OM are really dating. It's even more hurtful because OM was a friend.
I think W is waiting for me to make my next move whatever it is. Its like all involved is playing the patience game. No one will make a move unless the other 'blinks'. The relationship dynamics is really confusing.
Some things need to change. We are stuck in a rut. Right now I act that I don't care if they go out and to a certain extend, OM can bloody well have W. My girls will tell me about their time with OM anyway with W around. Both of us acted as if its just another story to share.
Please share what you guys think? Any idea how should I proceed now?

[planet]

I swear to GOD my situation is very confusing.

After the earlier post, I decided to stick around the house for awhile. I was playing with the girls and when lunch time came, W invited me for lunch. I help bathed the kids and prepare them for their afternoon nap. I was tired and slept too in the living room with the kids.
Later OM came over and had lunch while i was sleeping.
I really don't know what to make of this. I mean W used to take great pains to avoid us meeting but what in the world is this!?
It was really awkward when i woke up. I left soon after.

Why would W allow me to move around the house like i own it too!? I find that particularly uncomfortable ever since i moved out.
Why didn't she tell me that she'll be having a guest!? Sure I acted i didn't care, but really!? C'mon!
Why did W kept all of our pictures up until recently!? What other man will accept that.
Are they together or not!? Looks like it but i can't tell at all.

I think i should really have a talk with W to get some real clarification. What do you guys think!?
This is beyond limbo.

I'm not upset. I don't know why.

[MrBond]

"I think i should really have a talk with W to get some real clarification. What do you guys think!?"

Clarification about what? You gave her everything. You have nothing, you don't have anything to bargain with. If she tells you that she's seeing this guy, what would you do?

"This is beyond limbo."

You choose to stay in limbo. If you don't want the guy hanging around, you have to start saying something but legally there's nothing you can do.

What else have you been doing for yourself? Have you been going out and getting your life in order? That's what you need to do.

[planet]

I got activities lined up. I'm meeting new people. I'm starting to feel good about myself.

But i'm confused as [censored] right now. I don't know what the hell's wrong.

I'm tearing up as i write this. I want to to hate her but i don't. I want to have her back but i'm not sure i want to. I'm not even mad at seeing OM. I'm glad if they were to get together, my kids will be happy and i f@#$king resent that.
I have learned a lot this last few months and i wish i didn't.
I just wish i didn't change but i can't go back now.

I need closure. I really do.

I'm so f***ed up now

[MrBond]

"I just wish i didn't change but i can't go back now."

Change what?

The "problem" that you see is more of an AWAKENING. You now know and understand what makes a M work. There's nothing wrong with that. Are you saying that you now wish you went back to your selfish lifestyle before? That's what your ultimate issue is.

You haven't detached or set your own path in life yet. Set a direction and aim for it. If you don't want your kids to talk to him, then you need to establish some boundaries. You haven't done that yet.

[planet]

Im even telling myself to give it a day so I wont make a bad decision. Can u believe this s**t? I just know what to do.

I believe that I will be alright. I know I will be alright somewhere down the road. Im staring at that door, im afraid to go in.

[planet]

If you don't want your kids to talk to him, then you need to establish some boundaries. You haven't done that yet.

That's not even the right thing to do.
I shouldn't involve the kids. They should be loved by anyone who wants to.

[MrBond]

"They should be loved by anyone who wants to."

This is the reason why you feel "crazy". Throughout this whole thing you've been the "nice guy". You've given your W everything,You have nothing. And now you are okay with giving away your children.

Why do you even hang around there? This has nothing to do with the kids. It's about establishing YOUR boundaries.

If you're not willing to do anything like that, then don't complain that you're having all of these things happen to you. You don't do anything so therefore nothing changes and you get dumped on.

[planet]

I'm not giving away my children. I will always be their father. Nothing is going to change that.

I'm just so confused right now.

I know getting a divorce is the stupidest thing we've done. I know our marriage can be better. But what can i do about that?
I know with OM hanging around, W will not even bat an eyelid at me. I also understand that she has her own demons to fight and she have to go on her own journey.

I know this sounds stupid. What sort of boundaries are you talking about.

[planet]

Ok. I see what you mean about boundaries.

For so long, W have been tip toeing around me and now she just doesn't give a s**t with how i feel.

I will have to let her know that i will not be pushed around. I won't back down when she starts to be rude.

Hell, why does she wants to invite OM when she knows i'm there. She knows i can't do anything. Maybe i acted i don't care a little too much.