Sorry to hear about your w fly. Seems like I have read a number of threads where a WAW has cancer. All things considered you are doing a great job with PMA
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Figured I should stop by here since you took the time to ask me such detailed questions. There's a lot in this thread that really resonated with me, but I'm just too tired to quote each one that caught my eye after reading through all the replies...
I saw a mention of not falling back into the rut. Yep, did that myself. I also saw a lot of talk about expectations and limits when the WAS wants to come back. It's too early for me to ponder that in my own sitch, but based on the last time around I can concur with those who say to take it slow.
I know I have to have some answers this time and we have to discuss it - even if we need help. But, as we know if we read MWD's books, we have to be very careful when choosing counselors. Before we left CO last time I so wanted to do a one day session with MWD in Boulder.
I remember posting last time that piecing was hard. Much harder than I expected. It's easily as hard as DBing in the first place.
I guess if DBing is like climbing a steep mountain, clawing your way up dangerous cliffs and perilous paths, piecing is like making your way back down safely without tripping and falling! Or should I say DBing is like descending into hell and piecing is like climbing back out? LOL. Told you I was tired.
Fly, sorry to hear the news about your W. Have you talked to her about anything yet? How is she doing? I agree with the others to send a card or something like that. Hope you are doing well, -cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Ok, the Leafs are no longer undefeated, their winning streak has ended, but still this is the year for the cup! haha. Go Leafs! Just wanted to say thanks for all your help, and hope all is well with you. -cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
thx for asking, haven't seen my wife in about 4-5 weeks, we no longer talk (her choice). I will be filing at the end of the month. I've just come to terms with it all, im moving on.
I hope all is well with you, i'll have to pop over and check out your thread. I try not to pop on here too much, once a week is all. Keeping busy as best we can helps a ton. Dropping all expectations is the other.
Its official, after almost 2 months of NC, wifes choice. She came over tonight and said she was "done, I want the divorce".
She told me she had a friend that was with her that was drunk, 2x in the last coupe of months. Said I was going around saying she was a terrible mom, a drunk, cheating with a gay man, that I was having her followed 24/7?? I'm amazed, i'll admit I did some things I regret I could have don't different the first couple of months, BUT NONE OF THAT. She's been using it as fuel to build the wall up further against me since. Until today she just needed it all over with.
She could never just talk to me, I was supposed to be a mind reader, I was supposed to guess on what was going on. Then came BD day, since she's said all I do is mind read, all I do is guess? Well this last 2 months, I was standing and lovingly detached, giving her the room she needed. I'm not sure who this person is but they've said things I've never said, I feel sabotaged to a point.
I know i'll survive, I didn't put in all this work on myself for no reason. All I wanted was her to put in some work on herself, even if it didn't save our marriage. I was hoping for too much I guess. 22 years, wow. Its time to take the next steps in life.
@Fly - you're probably very angry right now, and believe me, I'm the WORST at this, but why don't you take a day or two to think?
What did W expect you to do different? Is she building a wall, or is she desperately digging for excuses to justify herself? My W said/did a lot of the same stuff, and is not interested somewhat in reconciling...
