SS11 has been in town and H and I just don't talk about R and try not to fight in front of him. As a matter of fact, this is probably the first time ever that SS11's visit didn't trigger any fights and we have all been doing nothing but having pleasant interactions. We laugh a lot at the kids playing and at each other.
H has been very nice to me and vice versa. I make sure all the men in the house are well fed and H always wants to accompany me in everything I do. Today, for instance, I mentioned I needed to go to Target to get some things for the babies and he wanted to come along.
Then in the evening he said he was going to the park and I asked whether he wanted to take S1 or if I should keep him at home. He said, we should all go. Basically, every time he does anything, he wants me to come along.
H has been very kind to me with little favors like making me coffee and things like that.
I catch H staring at me a lot. I give him lots of space. At night I say good night first and go upstairs. I no longer linger or do anything that seems like I'm pursuing. If I have plans with friends I just go. Even if I don't have plans, but they are just sitting around the house, I get busy upstairs.
I'm not sure if he still talks with OW and it almost seems like he doesn't. I never mention her or the R. It's like nothing ever happened.
I have MC this week and told him its up to him to come or not. He and SS11 have plans to go to an amusement park on that day, so I just left it at that.
Overall we are doing a lot of laughing and just having a good time. It's almost like my old H is back. There's an elephant in the middle of the room, though and I wonder if H will go back to being weird when SS11 leaves.
I was showing him something on my iPad and this community was open. I closed it quickly because I didn't want him to know I'm here. He immediately said, "is that your attorney? Are you still talking with attorneys?" With an accusatory tone of voice, so I had to show him the community and show him the book.
I've been seeing a lot of positives since deciding to change my demeanor. I hope they stick around.
Here are the main changes I've done:
- no pursuing in any way. If he is in a room, I even go to another room. He follows sometimes. It's actually funny.
- no crying, not even at MC
- no talking about R outside MC
- no acknowledging the OW (and suddenly she seems less important even to me)
- doing more laughing, having more fun
- giving H space
- being sweet to SS11 (we clashed a few years ago)
- taking better care of the house (a 180 and a pet peeve of H)
- not making sarcastic remarks
- GALing by continuing my exercise routine, going out with friends, focusing on the baby
Things that have changed:
- H sits next to me, sometimes shoulder to shoulder, on the couch, whereas before he sat far away
- H wants me to be with them every second of the day, doing everything together
- H has complimented the way I look and has offered to take care of S1 so I could rest, nap, go to a spa
- H jokes around with me
- I catch H looking at me
- H has shown signs of jealousy when I got a very generous gift for the babies (a brand new double bob -- it's a $700 jogging stroller) from a male friend. He was visibly annoyed and even said, "this guy just has the hots for you."
- H is more involved with the baby stuff
- MC asked that we talked about the S with SS11 and I'm waiting for H to take the lead. He has yet to bring anything up, even when SS11 asked questions that show he is clearly confused. I find that to be a positive because if H was certain he wanted out, he would not be so afraid to talk with SS11.
