NEW LIFE / NEW ME - TAKING OFF!

[Fartiltre]

W called twice this evening. I didn’t feel like talking the first time and we were eating the second time she called. When I called her back she wanted answers to her email from this morning.
I told her almost down to the word what I posted here and then I tried to end the convo. She asked if we were having good times and I told her yes but without telling her what we have been doing and then I tried to end the convo. She asked if Ds wanted to talk – they did. D6 first and then D4. D4 got very sad and started crying. She miss W. After this I ended the convo.
The tone was once again all pleasant.

Later D6 got mad at me and told me that “Then I can just always live with mom”. That one hurt and I told D6 in harsh words that this wasn’t a fair statement. I am not proud of my reaction so I told her that I was sorry about my it and explained that it hurt me. Then she hugged me and said that she didn’t mean it.

When tugging Ds in they were both very sad and crying – missing W. D6 and I have had a long convo about this. She wants to go to W tomorrow but I have told her no. It’s hard seeing them and hearing them talk about missing. They both tell me unasked that it is the other way around as well. D6 asked me this evening why we can’t live together. I try to the best of my abilities to help them but I am not educated or trained in these matters. I hug, listen, validate and tell them that their feelings are ok. I try very hard to not talk about W at all in front of them. I am simply afraid that my tone of voice or wording will come out wrong these days and I do NOT want to talk or sound bad in regards of W.

It has been a very emotional evening! Rough!