This is the SECOND time she's cheating on you. Last time you pleaded for your marriage, begged her to stay and it lasted for a while. The relationship cooled off. What's her M.O? You got it: cheating. Cheating is in her blood. So she cheated on you AGAIN.
The question you should be asking yourself, is not, "What kind of man do I need to be to make this woman stay with me?", but rather, "Do I really want to stay with a two-time cheater who does not believe in marriage or till-death-do-you-part?" Yeah you might trick her into staying with you again, but sooner-or-later, when you deliver a less than perfect life performance, she'll cheat again, and again.
THIS SECOND time she cheated, you said nothing, you were hoping to confront her about the affair, but you didn't She beat you to the punch and you scrambled and begged and pleaded for the marriage.
She has all the power. The more you try to save this marriage the more you are going to LOSE her and your children, your house and your income.
She keeps beating you to the punch, keeping you needy, off-balance and pathetic. In dire situations, where you suck at Divorce-Busting (which most of us do, when we are constantly off balance and needy), Michelle, in her book, talks about the Last Resort Technique, After The Last Resort Technique and Ultimatums. Read them. Live them.
Let her go. It's the only way to win her, and it's the only way to keep your kids, house and money in case she doesn't have a change of heart.
Go see a family practice lawyer. Tomorrow. Right away.
Do not leave your home. Not now. Not unless you decide it's what YOU want and you have a separation agreement in hand and/or you are selling it. Better that she leaves. Do not agree to bird-nesting (where you each move in and out of the house)unless you have thought it through.
Ask yourself, "If we get a divorce, what do I want?" Be clear. This is very important. Do you want the house? Do you want shared custody? Do you want your wife to leave? She says she doesn't want anything -- just for the kids to stay in the house? Really? With whom? She knows the judge will favor her. Do you want to Bird-Nest (move in and out of the house regularly?) Is she willing to agree to move out to an apartment and have the kids see her every other weekend or 50/50?
I think when someone says they don't WANT anything, they just want to get out and get in their lover's arms. A good divorce attorney will talk her out of her generosity right-quick. Soon, YOU will will be living in an apartment seeing your kids every other weekend while your soon-to-be-ex and her boyfriend (who she claims she broke up with) will be raising your children and eating most of your income. Wake up dude.
It's too late to take boxing classes, get healthy, take fun hobbies and GET-A-LIFE to win her back. You need to do these things for you, NOT HER. Getting a life as a desperate measure to win the other person back is always detected as pathetic.
What you need to is to decide what YOU want if and when you divorce. Then work towards that. Then you will finally show some backbone, which is attractive and strong. It will either turn her around, OR, it will get you a fair settlement in the divorce.
She just told you she slept with another man and all you did was plead for her to stay. REALLY?
Show some strength. Do the last resort technique, not to win her back, but you win you some time to see a lawyer, figure out what you want and then be clear and strong when you tell her how this divorce is going to play out. She will see strength in you for the first time. Sometimes pushing her out the door is what works.
Frankly, I think your marriage is dead. Sorry. I've been there. When they are two-time cheaters and you are pleading for your marriage it's pretty tough to turn around. I'm not convinced the affair is over. Your wife has decided that the solution to your marriage problems is in someone else's arms. Frankly, a two-time cheater may not be worth keeping around.
