Let me ask of you what you think about staying dark and n/c
Well I just posted a similar response in HWA's thread, but I think we all need to reevaluate where we are now and then as MWD suggests in DR, and keep doing what works and quit doing what doesn't work. When we try new things we have to give it time to work, but if months of being totally dark hasn't produced any improvement then I would think maybe it's time to try something different. I've always felt that going completely dark is more for the LBS then it is for the WAS. I don't think a WAS is going to learn to miss the LBS if they don't ever have any contact with them. With zero contact, it's too easy for the WAS to visualize the LBS as a monster of their making. But if they see the LBS now and then and see their PMA and GAL in full swing, then they may start to question their negative image of the LBS. They may start wondering what they're missing.
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Did you experience such a time with your WAW where there was a serious lack of contacts and or cold responses?
We've never really gone long without contact, mainly because of the kids. W is a bit unusual in that texts/ emails are almost always ice princess stuff, but in-person interactions have remained quite friendly ever since BD. I've always strived for the "friendly neighbor" interactions with her.
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I think I read how you were surprised that she left or was leaving you. My thing is I had no idea what was about to happen and how everything was seemingly normal only to all change in a matter of just a few hours. To this day 6 months later I am still bothered by this.
I did feel completely blind-sided too, but after reading DR I've just accepted that there was a lot going on inside W's head that I didn't know about. Like she says, when our W's decide to quit trying and therefore stop the nagging, we think it's a sign that things are getting better. So BD comes as a huge shock, because there are no signs. You've probably read my storm analogy before, about how the WAS looks cool and calm on the outside but inside there's a violent storm of emotions taking place. Wind-whipped waves are smashing against rocks, and black boiling clouds overhead are shooting out blinding bolts of lightning. The WAS's words and actions are being flung out of that storm like debris shot out of a tornado. We don't see the storm inside, just the words and actions. And we wonder why the words and actions don't make sense. But if we spent 5 minutes in that storm, we'd understand and quit trying to make sense of it. The trick for us is to have the patience to wait for the storm to pass.
