I told W about S4 on Friday getting upset, she said they miss me and that is why they have been Skyping more. She said it would be good if they could see me more.
You walk right into it every time you tell her something about the kids acting sad. She jumps on it to jab you with a guilt spear. Stop setting yourself up to get more depressed whenever you try to discuss something with her. She is going to use it against you every time. It's amazing how she can turn it around and make you feel guilty over what she has caused.
IMO, when a couple are separated and reconciliation is not on the horizon, I don't believe they should continue to share holidays & events. Let her give him a BD party and have whoever she wants to attend. Then you will have your party for him and invite who you want. That's how it is when a family is divided. Hopefully, this will begin to help you prepare for the holidays coming up.
BTW, I'm really proud of how you handled your anniversary! I knew you could do it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
