One giant leap forward! - Part 8

[T1000]

Thursday I met met new niece, very cute and shy. Got a cuddle after 1.5 hours.

Friday was my wedding anniversary, I was aware of it but didn't find it that hard for the most part.
In the evening just before I put S4 to sleep he asked for a cuddle, he hugged me so tight and for a long time. After a while I brought him forward to look at his face and his eyes were streaming and his bottom lip was out. S4 never really shows quiet emotion, he normally scream or moans or has a blank expression. It broke my heart seeing this. I brought him back me again and hugged him and stroked his head telling him Daddy loves him.
It was brutal! It's setting me off writing this.

We kept busy over the weekend, we went to watch a football game, went to 3 parks and a train exhibition. Very busy and quite tired. Kids loved it.

Took the kids back on the Sunday, I told W about S4 on Friday getting upset, she said they miss me and that is why they have been Skyping more. She said it would be good if they could see me more. I wanted to throttle her. I just said I don't what more I can do, she muttered something but I didn't bite and I left after saying bye to the kids. It was something to make me feel even more guilty.

W has been in more contact recently. Sent me a pic of the kids on Saturday night while I had the kids. I didn't say anything.
She texted me last night to ask what I am getting S1 for his birthday. I replied and asked what she has got him. We texted a few times mainly discussing the kids and things we have been doing with them.
She mentioned that the place she was going next weekend with the kids is the vacation spot we normally go to (about an hour away from me) and if I wanted to visit S1 on his birthday I can do. I didn't respond to that part.
I don't want to go there while they are there but I would like to see S1. I don't know if W is still with OM2 and if he will be there, not sure how to ask that question. I would love some input on this.

W mentioned that it breaks her heart knowing how much they miss me and she will try her best to ensure us three are as close as possible.
I didn't send anything back to this as I was full of anger ready to spew about her not trying her best at anything but I left it.

I have had quite a lot of contact with a few different woman online and such. The promiscuous one I have told her I'm not ready as she was full on and too much for me.
Talking to one girl and she was asking how often I see the kids. I told her 3 out of 4 weekends and she said that is impressive as most guys wouldn't be so bothered. When she found out about the driving she was even more impressed. Being told that by a single mother of 2 young boys that also works really gave me a PMA boost.

I'm having some mixed emotions lately. I go from brimming with PMA to slightly dpressed, it doesn't take much to spring out of it though. I'm getting better at being my own cheerleader.