Since you went away....

[nero]

linda-

hi and soooo glad things went well with your eye and you're already feeling the benefits. yay.

glad also to hear of your detachment and how good you're feeling about it. it's true- isn't it. even in my modified detached state- i can see the wisdom in being able to distance a bit.

woo hoo-

glad he's being nice and taking care of you a bit- he should. (sorry the mother ship is stil hovering- what else is new for us all - huh??? oh well-

hope your recovery is quick and you don't go stir crazy- keep your eyes rested and do what you should- you being a nurse and all... it sure stinks to be the guy laid up - doesn't it??


xxoo

[MileHigh]

They all "took" their husbands for every last cent they could get, but it didn't make them happy - they all seem horribly bitter.

 

It's sad the years of bitterness that can come from divorce. I've seen it over and over, and experienced it myself from my first M.

I guess it's my fault for letting them know about my sitch at all. Most of you would have been stoic and held it all in but I'm such a blabbermouth. One kind word and it all comes tumbling out like a waterfall! No self control!

I'm just like you. Talk too much. I used to really keep it in, and there are some things I still do. The key is finding a safe, production outlet (like here!) I think. Because bottling it up just hurts down the road when it finds a way out anyway!

Glad to know your doing ok with your 2nd surgery!!!!

[Notlikingthis]

RL,

Catching up with you. Happy to hear the surgery went well and that you can see better than you did after the first eye surgery. As hard as it is, try to stay off the board for awhile and let your eyes heal! uR will read your thread to you if you need a "fix". LOL

Also happy to hear that your h is taking care of you in his own way. Ignore his need to talk to RT and rest you mind as well as your eyes.

[complicated]

RL,
Just checking in to see how you and your eyes are doing? I'm glad the second eye seems to be doing better than the first.

Is H helping or at least being kind through this? I was hoping that maybe a kind, gentle H would be there for you.

[Whiterose]

Hi Linda
Just getting caught up. So glad your second surgery went even better than the first.
How are you feeling otherwise? Is H helping you out?

Take care my friend

[RosaLinda]

Hello all, thansks for dropping by! I haven't been posting much, trying to baby my eyes a bit. My vision gets clear then blurry, like a bad movie. It makes me so nauseous. 

I've been doing pretty well detaching and keeping out of H's way. He's been quiet but pleasant and kind to me. I thought maybe the Russian Tramp has been pushing him again, as I heard her screeching some choice words describing me a few days ago, and heard him raising his voice today. 

And now I know why. RT has been pushing - she gave him a deadline of October 2nd to tell me he's divorcing me, and has been on his back about it every couple of days since. 

He talked for 3 hours about the pros and cons of us divorcing and marrying her. 

He said he does not know what he wants to do and RT does not understand why it is a hard decision for him to make, to leave his wife of 38 years, his best friend and sole support. 

He said he would have to give up me, his mother, his siblings, and our sons and grand kids as they would never accept her. But RT does not care about that or even understand why it might bother him. And she does not understand why he loves our house and doesn't want to give it up. 

The strangest thing was asking  if I had noticed that he has not loved me and has been looking for romance for the past 4 or 5 years. I said yes, I did notice. (he's been in a MLC for 4 years!) He asked what I thought was going on with him. I said I thought he has been "going thru something" due to his sickness and not being able to work made him depressed and lose his self respect, so he has been having these EAs to boost his self esteem. And I told him RT is just like all his other EAs, he likes the infatuation, but she will soon be gone just like all the others. She is just more aggressive than the rest. 

He said maybe I'm right, he cannot understand it but he tries to be friendly and flirt with these Russian women and they all take him so seriously. 

Strangely enough he does not know why he loves her, or what she loves about him either. I said people who love each other know exactly why and told him what I love about him and what he loves about me!

Then he told me many reasons he is afraid to marry her, including she is a big mouth and argumentative and always has to be right and never takes any blame when she is wrong. She thinks she knows everything, and he keeps catching her in lies or exaggerations. She is pushy and aggressive. But her strengths balance his weaknesses. He said he and I have same weaknesses so we are not a good couple. 

Then he told me what I think is the underlying truth of this big push to divorce me. He has been amazed that his IRA has been increasing despite the govt shutdown. And he mentioned he has an IRA to RT, and she amazingly enough came up with a "plan!" He should sell our house and cash in his IRA and they can live on that. I said she is a phoney who wants wants his money and a green card, who will take half of his possessions and will leave him as soon as she gets a green card. 

He asked if I have a divorce lawyer and I lied and said no, but I have hope for reconcilliation. Then he said he would like an amicable divorce and for us to to remain friends I said I would too but think I should start moving on with my life. He agreed. 

Amazingly I feel calm and still feel hopeful for my marriage. Although I have a splitting headache and cannot get to sleep. 

[ForeverYoung]

Wow Linda, very interesting conversation that H initiated.

I think you did a great job. I also think you are right to feel hopeful here... it sounds like he is starting to figure things out.

The strangest thing was asking if I had noticed that he has not loved me and has been looking for romance for the past 4 or 5 years.

Seriously? OMG!!!

[Cadet]

Then he said he would like an amicable divorce and for us to to remain friends I said I would too but think I should start moving on with my life. He agreed. 

So you think you can remain friends after going through a divorce?

I think you need a little more mystery so he knows that you are moving forward with your life.

[Portia]

Rosa,

First of all, I am so pleased that your surgery went well. A little bit freaky to hear it described while you are listening, though! Take care of those eyes and take care of you. Let H pamper you - don't worry about the reason.

That was quite a conversation you had with H. And I am so proud of you for doing so well. I am sure it was unbelievably difficult to listen to his ramblings. See how they don't make sense? But the strange thing is that perhaps when they start to talk this way - being somewhat self-aware of their actions - that may mean he is peeking out a bit. I worry more when they are keeping things inside. Well, or screaming at us.

This conversation sounds like it has been stewing since he returned from Russia.

Personally, I think this conversation called for honesty and sincerity. He was letting you in. Mystery can come later. It will come naturally - I speak from experience! - because you know that this situation cannot last forever for your own sake. Loving him and loving YOU enough to let him go.

Maintaining a friendship, Rosa, may not be possible. It really does depend upon the MLCer. I made the assumption that xSO and I would stay "friends" because as devastated as I was that he turned to another woman, I truly believed that if he wanted his white picket fence and knew that was not something I could give him, I would support that decision. But, I assumed that being friends would mean "being friends". It didn't. Except for very recently, he did not even treat me like a casual acquaintance.

You may change your mind about being friends. RT might change your H's mind. His actions will guide that decision. You deserve respect.

Now from this day forward, keep on detaching and leaving him to his own devices. You need to rest!

Sending love....

[Whiterose]

WOW Linda. What a conversation! Good on you for remaking so calm while you listened to him spin.

I think this is your opportunity to show him how well you can be as you move forward and in the process detach and find some peace for yourself.

H told S18 that he hopes next summer we can all hang out together and have picnics as a gathering of friends. It seems these MLCers like the idea of friendship at the end of the tunnel. I don't think I can do that but it may be different for you.....only time will tell.

Love and hugs to you Linda