well - $hit hit the fan last night - after 2 great weeks of no arguments, very little serious talk about the relationship or the affair, lots of affection, cuddling and i love yous. She was sitting on the couch watching TV and i gave her a kiss on my way through to get changed. When I came back down she smiled at me and said 'you're not going to like what I have to say but I want a divorce.' I asked her why, what had changed, hadn't we had a couple of good weeks, i thought we were making progress, etc. Her answers included she knows there will always be something missing, she can never be happy with me, its too late, i don't love you anymore and I don't want to end my relationship with the OM.
We woke up and went to church this morning and she held my hand through a lot of the service. As we were leaving, i went to hold her hand and she rejected it saying, i don't want to give you any false hopes. On the way home we started talking again and I quoted some of Sandi's posts that I had given to her to read - mostly about the withdrawals and depression from an addiction and how these things would happen and that she should look into getting real help from someone to get through this. She again, said that she had tried everything for as long as she wanted too and that she doesn't want to end the relationship with the OM. She then told me that I was pushing her out the door by fighting for our marriage.
I have to leave town for 3 days starting tomorrow and I am as paranoid as I can possibly be....She agreed to not do anything with the OM for those three days, to not pack anything up and to think about things but she said she doesn't think shes going to change her mind.
As far as I can tell, the trigger for this episode was the upcoming holidays and the fact that she didn't want to go through the holidays 'faking it.'
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
