"homework" from job - Hi Job, thank you

[Pudmuddle]

This post is for job to read as she asked me a question I wanted to answer for her. Anyone else can post of course, too.

Job, you had asked me what I thought might have triggered my H's first mlc. Looking back over the years, I think it may have started with the birth of our son. After he was born I observed that my H seemed to be jealous of the attention I was giving son. I think it started there but wasn't the kicker yet. This is also where I felt we started to disconnect. I didn't find it attractive that he was jealous of my S.

Maybe 4 years after that my H had an accident on his motocross bike and broke himself - collarbone, punctured lung, broken femur which now has a titanium rod. This laid him up for quite a while and he could no longer be the caretaker of the family. He had to totally be dependent upon me.

Two years after that his much loved uncle died, suddenly of heart attack. H's brother and he found the uncle sitting upright in his chair in his office, dead. I'm sure that must've been very disturbing.

Also, after this time is when I had an EA, or tried too. I was lonely for the man I loved and tried to fix it in the wrong way. The EA was married and turned me down even though we still spoke. My H found out about this and was crushed.

I won't go into further detail as it's all in my thread in Newcomers but when we found DB 6 years ago, it worked for us and we reconciled. Only we never really resolved any of our issues.

So here I am again. Throughout the 6 years he has been grumpy, depressed and critical of everything my S and I do. He was especially hard on my S. I have been emotionally lonely for 6 years while trying to help him as best I could. I failed. But I never turned outside the marriage. I never wanted to do that to him again. We both had felt that way. So I thought.

Two years ago, I started sinking into depression because I just did not know how to help him and it made me very bereft. Then a year after that my father passed away and that hit me like a ton of bricks. I sank further into depression and totally withdrew from a lot of life, including H. I was not the grumpy, depressed, don't touch me person. I know he did not know how to handle the extreme amounts of pain and hurt from me losing my father (he was a rock to me) and also losing my H. My H didn't not know how to help me deal nor did he seem interested. I had already lost him long ago. His way to find happiness was to again go outside the M.

I am crushed and wondering if we will be able to recover this time. It does not feel good. We feel so disconnected and have been withdrawn from each other, almost db'ing in a bad way, for so long, I just don't know anymore.

Thanks for reading this job. I appreciate your sage wisdom and guidance.