wife hardends heart-4

[planet]

I realized now the battle we are in as LBS is with ourselves.
It's hard to overcome fear, worry, uncertainty, loneliness and anxiety. It's hard to stay detached and letting go.

I may have spoken too soon about getting longer hours of sleep. I haven't been sleeping the hours i wanted the past two days.

I'm really all worn out and i have just started this journey. Sigh!

[Pudmuddle]

It is hard to overcome all those emotions.

Sometimes I think I'm doing so well and then it just hits me hard again. It is completely exhausting. Sigh.

[planet]

W asked which book did D4 and I revised the night before. It was addressed to thin air.
Well, I answered her since it was obvious she wanted answers. I said from afar it was the yellow/green book. W got frustrated and angrily said which book is that since there a couple more with the same colours. "Can't you read (the title)!?" was thrown out.
I went over calmly and search for the correct one. I did not know there several other books with the same colours. "Let it go" i said to myself.
W was rude and shoved her frustrations on me. I didn't like it but i kept quiet. Moments later, I thought to myself, I should have asked her to be polite and i just let her walk over me again!

[planet]

Today has to be my worst birthday ever. Not only I don't have a W to spend it with, I got an angry W who is demanding unreasonable things!
I got to W's place after work and took my kids out to celebrate my birthday. I don't mind not having W around. I feel confident enough to be happy, genuinely happy. I mean I don't get any birthday wishes from W and no presents or cakes. I expected it will be as such therefore I'm not upset at all. I just want to be with my kids.
After sending them back, I asked if I could have a full Saturday with the kids since she had asked for Friday and Sunday the night before. Then she started to get angry and and said I can't have the kids the full day. Puzzled, I asked why not. She said she don't spend enough time with the kids. I asked her what's really bothering her and off she goes bursting. MIL asked what's wrong and I related to her what happened. She naturally defended W and kept really quiet.
My time with the kids so much lesser than what she have and yet she complained. Last week, she had Friday and Saturday. I only had a half Sunday minus the kids nap time. This is not a competition and i am not competing with her for the kids time. I only want what's fair and i don't think my request is unreasonable. She did not want to tell me what's wrong. I can feel she's hiding something. Not going to go there.
She can't dictate when I can see my kids. I have given her reasonable notice. She acting all crazy this week.

[Maritimer]

Happy Birthday to ya Planet!

Your not the only one who got the cold shoulder on your birthday. My wife said nothing to me, nothing from the kids either. Fathers day was the same. It will get better when your kids are older, what kids dont like a party!

Seems like a control issue on her end, Im getting similar issues with my babys mama. Could be she is lonely it needs them for emotional support.

WAW are ...lets say unpredictable. Keep trying to spend time with your kids and document in a journal when she refuses. It could help come custody time.

Good Luck!

[Pudmuddle]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY planet!!!

Sorry about the kid situation. She is NOT being fair. I hate when the kids start getting used my the parents, especially the WAS. Looks to me like you are in the right mindset but I am not sure what to say about her.

Maybe someone who has been in this situation will have more ideas. So I am going to bump your thread up.

Have a great day, do something fun just for you!

[planet]

W did mentioned something about not spending enough time with the kids a couple of weeks ago. I think it is also when I requested for more time, not too sure though. Yesterday, she said the same thing.

If I do the math correctly, she have more time with our kids than I do. On weekdays, I usually spend about 1 to 1 1/2 hours with the kids. W has the advantage of returning early and taking them out to the park. That's 1 hour. The kids don't sleep until at least 1 hour after I leave. In the mornings she gets to see them.

On the weekends, I usually take the mornings because W had made plans for the evening. That's only about 3 hours because D4 have dance and singing classes in the afternoon. After that, she have them for the rest of the evening. That's more hours than I have.

I'm so confused because the math just don't add up. What's more confusing is that she complained that she don't have enough time with them. She said I took more time during weekdays because she only got to spend time with the kids after I leave and they have to go to bed right after that. Simply illogical because I leave at 9pm and kids don't sleep till about 10-10.30pm.

I was tempted to tell her to spend time alone with kids when going out rather than stringing OM along, maybe then it's more quality and focused time. Or maybe if she cared to put down her mobile, then she could have more quality time.

But she did complained two times. Is there something I should take note?
I wanted to validate her but she's in anger mode and walked off as soon as I asked what's wrong.

Or is it because I interrupted her plans when I asked for a full day which she did not asked for it earlier?

Maybe she jealous of my time with the kids? A bit far off.

I'm driving myself crazy here thinking there's something she wanted me to understand her frustrations.

[planet]

W removed all the fridge badges with pictures of us. I suppose it was after the other day's incident.
She also removed photo frames of our pictures the last time she was really angry. That was the first time that she complained of not spending enough time with the kids but i pointed out otherwise.
I'm really confused here. Why is she upset? Is she for real?
She removing all memories of us because all i wanted was to spend more time with the kids?
Where did i go wrong here?
What did i missed out?

Any insights?

[JayMan]

Planet, don't second guess yourself. Get your time with the kids, period. If it's not fair to you, get it changed.

My XW1 got with OM, and started demanding more time, wanting to switch days, etc - all because she wanted them to see OM. I caved at first because I didn't want to upset her, but then I finally was like, "No, these are my kids too". She called to switch a New Years holiday so the kids could stay up and watch the ball drop with OM's kids. I said no. She FLIPPED out, was ranting and cursing, and telling me how she was gonna get full custody, and take me for everything I had. I listened for about 15 seconds, and then just hung up. She called back about 50 times, and I ignored it. I remember literally shaking in my boots, sure I had ruined everything. The very next time she called me she was super sweet, offered to trade days so I would still get equal time, and never disrespected me again with the kids.

6 months later, OM's stuff was thrown out on the lawn of XW1's apartment because she found a text on his phone where he said he was just using her for a place to stay.

Stand up for your time, man!

[Pudmuddle]

My guess is she is probably feeling guilty/irritated with herself about more than just the time with the kids and is using that against you. I agree with Jon, when it comes to the kids don't second guess yourself. It's all for THEIR benefit and should not be used against them. Good luck planet. It's tough.