I apologize in advance for the bluntness and 2x4's, but after reading that I feel quite strongly that someone needs to tell it to you like it is...
Quote:
But I actually felt this was really good, even thought it was very hard and hurtful to both of us, because we are actually starting the R talks.
First, just about everything you did was anti-DB'ing. The reason you feel good is you got a lot of stuff off your chest. Unfortunately it was a huge backslide. Your H would never tell you this, but was no doubt thinking "wow does this ever justify my desire to leave this M". You placed a lot of pressure on him and that's a big no-no. You're pushing him out the door. Second, what you had wasn't a conversation. A conversation is two-way communication. This was all you venting your feelings to him and him basically nodding his head and saying you're right. HE validated YOU when it should have been the other way around.
Are you reading Sandi's tips every day? If not you should be, even multiple times a day. DO NOT push R talks! If your H wants to talk about it then fine, you LISTEN and VALIDATE.
Your last line bothers me most of all: "because we are actually starting the R talks". Is it your intent to have MORE convo's like this one? Don't! Do you think it was healthy? It wasn't!!
Stop what you're doing, go back and study Sandi's tips and read DR again. This was a backslide, but you can recover from it. But first you need to understand that it was a backslide and why it was a backslide so that you can move forward with your DB'ing from here. You can do this! Good luck!
