The ups and downs of DBing

[Wendylon]

It's been ages since I've updated though I've been reading the boards.

I think I'm detaching slowly but surely. I'm also wondering whether I'll stand for much longer. H came home late again tonight. He'd been drinking (which I knew would be the case) so has stayed completely away from us since coming home. In fact, he snuck in through the basement door. I feel like telling him that he can move out if he wants to. He claims he isn't depressed but can easily sleep 12+ hours and not feel refreshed. Maybe he has chronic fatigue. He's hardly working.

I'm just back from visiting my grandmother for a week. It was actually really nice to be away and to have a change of scene. I figured out that in the last year I've only slept away from my bed 5 nights.

While I was away, H sold his car for £350 and is now using mine. While I don't use mine much, I still expect it to be available for me when I do want it. There was no discussion about it. We got into an argument about it yesterday.

He's basically selling his possessions one by one. He's listed his coffee machine and his bike. He's even listing things on eBay that were bought with joint money such as speakers. He'd hit the roof if I brought that up. I'm letting it pass.

I find myself imagining what it would be like to be without him. I imagine he'd still help out some with S14 and drive D16 and S18 around when needed. Whereas I used to want him to want to spend time with me, I'm not even sure I do want that anymore.

Since he's given me his main asset (his mother's house) in exchange for me paying off his debts, I'd probably have to house him somehow. Maybe I should see a lawyer to find out what the financial implications would be of D-ing. The cheapest would be to keep him at home and not get D-ed.

I don't feel tearful about it. More curious to see how this all pans out. I'm tired of waiting for him to hit rock bottom. I'm not even sure he'd bounce back from rock bottom at this point.