Me 11 months on.

[hotwheelsaust]

Busy weekend. Need to itemise all my furniture and belongings for when the company comes to transport them back home. It is a very long job to do. It's amazing how much this hits home that I am going back home, but it'a also strange I am not worrying to much about the W now.
Speaking of the W, for a few weeks now, I have been up and done about whether I really do want her back. Don't get me wrong, I miss her and love her heaps. Just the simple fact of could I learn to live with her again, to spend each day with her again, to TRUST her again.
Then there is the "can I put up with her family again" after all the poop that has/is happening with them.
Does anyone else have these type of questions they ask themselves?

Trust will be a big one, as since I still have not found the answer to why she walked out (WAW or EA/PA) and probably won't. The W has shown no normal (if there is such thing) WAW signs, she literally has just put up a wall and that's that. Considering the lead up to the BD was just normal day to day living, it does seem quite strange behaviour (from my point of view). If she is in a EA/PA relationship again, if PA, no outward signs are being shown or talked about. Maybe that is easier for them to work on PA, as they will be in the country by themselves. The W still never really answered my question about being in a relationship when I asked two months ago. She rambled on about different scenario's and things that happened, and how could you think that means they are in a relationship. She simply didn't say yes or no.

It is also hard to understand no asking about my transfer. While it is nice I haven't had to explain at this stage, it still hurts that no one (and I mean no one in the family) has asked about whether I am transferring or not. Since the W and SIL are both teachers, they know the dates and times of transfers. They know I have applied many months ago for the transfer, just simply haven't bothered checking. Again, I am not focusing on this, just simply stating things that are in my mind at times. Not on my mind all the time.

It is still very hard to understand what is happening when there is simply no contact whatsoever. Especially when the BD wasn't from some big nasty thing that occurred. It does though make it easier for me to start moving on, having no contact from the W, not seeing her and not hearing from the family now.

Good time yesterday. Went for a run, got about 1km into the run and met a father of a student from school. We were in the cross country run a few weeks ago together and talk quite regularly about running etc. Anyway it ended up he was going for a 15km run and we decided to run together. Good stuff. Ended up talking (trying to talk) about lots of different things (but no Sitch talk) and I even validated some. I made sure I didn't talk about me, whatever the subject, but simply asked him questions and listened to him talk. It was a good run. Ended up doing about 16kms all up in 1hr and 11min.

Well, need to finish my itemisation and watch the big race today, Bathurst. I don't know whether you hear about this race overseas or even see it on tv, but it is a beauty, the big race of the year. My brother is a volunteer each year and is on the stands at the last corner this year.