I'm back for a while

[ClingingToHope]

Had D14 last night -- not my weekend -- because she has to be at a singing competition this morning and XW and the Harley guy are camping this weekend.

Hey bonus time. We hit the library to work on a school project then went to eat before going to the movies. We went to Cracker Barrell and had to wait 10 minutes. So we're shopping in the gift shop when D14 looks at some baby clothes, shows them to me, then stops and says, "I want a baby brother. I know D11 thinks I'm crazy, but I want a brother."

Then she stops herself and says, "I know you don't want to talk about it."

I didn't say anything and we kept shopping.

After dinner, we saw Gravity and it's very intense. D14 took a shower before bed. I brushed her hair and we got some sleep.

A 95 percent good night other than the baby thing.

It's going to be a difficult few months with that.

I woke up this morning with a realization why it's going to be hard.

A baby brother or sister is something I can't give them.

I have worked really hard to be able to offer everything here that they get at the other house. In terms of electronics, rooms to themselves, toys, clothes. Even animals. I don't have any, but both my neighbors do and there's a park behind us where D11 finds all kinds of dogs.

But I can't give them -- at least for now -- a baby brother or sister and that's a major reason it bothers me.

OK. Now I can deal with that. No matter what, that'll be a difference between here and there.

It's a difficult one to overcome. In the shower I was ticking off a lot of advantages I will have. Less crowding. More time to concentrate on just them. A greater ability to go and do things. Just less stress overall. A reminder of when life was simpler.

I can only play the hand that was dealt and I told myself last night not to panic, let the hand play itself out.

OK. Today. Drop D14 off and then head to Chicago.