Sounds like you have a good handle on things, and it ain't over til the ink is dry on the paper. Even then it's just paper, right? Just consult with your lawyer, otherwise let her do the work for now, maybe will come a time when you have to, but for now I would put it ALL on her to pursue this D. Have you talked with a DB coach? They seemed to help rH out a LOT!
Hang in there, my friend! T2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I am furious that your wife would have a "divorce" discussion w/your children w/o you present. That is very low and creates more harm than good. I am very sorry that she did this and she hasn't a clue as to what a divorce does to children and, no, they won't get over it and bounce back.
You are a wonderful father and I'm glad you had a discussion w/them and hopefully they will feel comfortable talking to you about things. I just feel terrible about this.
Definitely set on the sidelines and allow her to do the heavy work on the divorce. She wants it, she darn well be ready to do the work. It's not something you snap your fingers and poof! It's done.
Please take care of yourself and your little ones. We are here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks T^2 and job! I have spoken to a coach. He said to talk to the good hearted women I knew, let her do the work and act ok with the separation. But, that was months ago. I can't afford more sessions.
Right now I have no intentions of filing. I spoke to an attorney in December and again in July. Both times she said I was crazy for not filing lol.
When S9 got home from school he was ok. He said he wasn't mad anymore. That he was mad because he knew it hurt me to loose mommy but that I was ok so he was ok. Maybe I'm being to good about this lol. Oh well, back to the norm. I still will insist they have counseling. It has to hurt.
Thanks to you all for being here for us. I'm not giving up. It ain't over til it's over. Until then, I'll be running from fat ladies just in case they may break out into song.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
That he was mad because he knew it hurt me to loose mommy but that I was ok so he was ok. Maybe I'm being to good about this lol.
No, you are not being too good....you are being a model, a very, very, very excellent model. You are showing and teaching strength, compassion, honor. You are giving them the very security, and strength, to get through this...there is no better gift, and lesson, you could be giving themright now. They need a rock, and you have proven that YOU are that rock, that safety, that strength. YOU are who they need now, and they trust life will go on and be okay because of the example you set.
Just sayin'....hats off to you! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Thanks FY and T^2! I'm really trying to be strong for them and so far they seem to be following my lead. Since w dropped her bomb on them, she has not asked and they have not mentioned staying with her. I assume they feel the need to be at their sanctuary (home).
I've really been avoiding w. And, I've noticed she responds to anything I say or do with anger or a smart remark. Fine by me sweetheart. Stew in the mess you've made.
MIL asked to come by and talk to me. It went really better than I hoped. She starting off pleading with me to try things to keep my family together. I finally had to lay the breadcrumbs out for her. It didn't take much for her to show her true feelings. She was in denial. She is disgusted by w and mortified at what she did to the boys the other day. My BIL contacted me to say the same. They don't recognize this person as their daughter/sister. It helped to know they both see this for what it is. I told both she has to hit bottom.
I will continue to stand. I will not give up but I really am trying to distance myself from w. What she did to my boys makes it much easier.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I'm glad you posted. I was wondering how it was going.
I was thinking about why W gave the D talk alone to the boys the other day and all I could come up with was that she was too embarrassed and afraid and immature to do that with you in front of them.
I'm sure she knows her daddy wouldn't have approved of such behavior from her so now she has to act like the naughty little girl she knows she is and be snippy to you.
Meanwhile, you continue to be the lighthouse for the whole family, including the extended family.
It's really nice the MIL and BIL are supportive of understanding your position.
Has there been any talk of what you all will do over the holidays, such as Thanksgiving?
I'm so sorry. This is so painful on a day-to-day basis. You are an unbelievable source of strength for your boys and they will never forget it. They are looking at you now as their hero.
Keep strong, keep going, Mtnman! rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thanks rH. My BIL and his family will go to his wife's parents this year for Thanksgiving. MIL was going to go with them but those plans fell through. W was planning on going on a trip because of that but not sure what she will do now. I'm sure she's mad MIL will tie her down by being here. The boys and I will do our normal stuff for that week with my family.
Christmas is when it will get funny. BIL and his family will be here and stay with me. We had a good laugh about how w and his/their mother will leave in the evenings, and he and his family will stay with me and the boys. Speaks volumes about where he stands.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Hi MntMan. I read you were a fellow Libra on FY's thread, and wanted to tell you I was so sorry you had the worst birthday ever. And now that I've read a bit of your thread, I see why
So sorry to read that your W did this to you and your boys. She is wrong and the other posters are right - they will not be "fine."
You sound like a strong, loving, wise and compassionate dad. Your boys will get through this because of your strength. Their loving grandma and uncle will help them too.
When your W finally wakes up and realizes the devastation and pain she has put her family through, she will be horrified. I think you will find it in your heart to help her, and to forgive her too. You just sound like that kind of guy to me.
Hang in there, you are doing a great job and can count me in with the rest of your fellow sufferers holding you and your sons up in prayer.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
