I've virtually convinced myself that I have to tell my W how I feel. I've taken on board what you guys have posted and it sounds like 'temp checking' really isn't a good idea but and its a big but I think I need to hear what I expect to hear from my W so I can move forward. That sounds crazy doesn't it!?
No, it doesn't sound crazy. It's what Ruby and I mentioned up above, sometimes the LBS needs to see the door slam in their face before they can effectively move on. Unfortunately that's what's going to happen, so just prepare for it. If your W were even remotely interested in reconciliation, she would let you know.
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In that time I've gone thru hell, maybe she has as well(?)
She probably has (most WAS's do) but she's not growing like you. She's going through difficult times, but she's either not moving forward or is doing so at a snail's pace. Growth for the WAS comes much slower than it does for the LBS.
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and prob 3/4 months ago I accepted that we prob won't R, so why all of a sudden do I feel like this? Is it because of the milestone?
This is what we mean by "cycling". You think you're in a certain place only to find emotions that you thought were behind you suddenly come bubbling up all over again. It's best not to act on the emotions, but rather, let them roll on through until you get back to center.
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I know its against the rules but has anyone temp checked? If so I'd like some pointers on what/what not to write.
Oh yes, almost everyone here has done it, usually early in the sitch (first few months). My pointers on what not to write- any of it. If you really have to do it then talk to her, don't send it in an email or text. Too impersonal. My advice is DO NOT tell her how you feel. Just ask her how she feels. Again I'll say I don't think it's a good idea and I think you're going to be very disappointed with the answer, but do it if you feel you must for YOU to detach.
