Most of your big post had me rolling my eyes and saying "again with the scorecard, this guy SURE likes measuring and he never comes out as the one who is 'more wrong', she always always does."
Though I still see most of your post that way, I also see some glimmers of insight and your last response to a post (from AS i think) is more hopeful to me.
Stay in your sandbox and do your work. Don't even look at your wife's sandbox, let alone comment on it or compare it to yours. That is going to slow down YOUR growth, which hurts you and does not hurt her, if that is your goal.
in other words, it's like I said,
"holding onto anger to hurt someone else is like
lighting yourself on fire, ----- to get smoke in their eyes."
(meaning, it does not make your wife think twice or feel bad about leaving you to have your negative thoughts about her, thrown in her face. Or to see your disapproval or to feel your judgement upon her.
On the contrary, it makes her feel MORE right about leaving you.
When you finally "get" this^^, it should help you detach. And to stay in your sandbox working only on you.
Because
Real insights are just that. You find a flaw you want to work on in You. And you do the work.
You do not then look up to see around you and then fault someone else - under the mistaken belief that it will "level the playing field" (so you won't feel so bad about yourself.) SP
There is NO "playing field", no "leveling out" either, and no one is competing with you. No one 'wins' because someone else loses.
You EACH are in charge of your life and that's all.
Feel good about yourself b/c you are working on you. Learn to accept that despite your flaws, which God knows all of, HE still loves you and you are still worthy.
Let's face it, the really deep seated fear we all had/have is that
"if we are such good people, why is the one person I truly loved, leaving me?" The gut wrenching fear is that we are not really lovable AND OR that no one will really love us again.
Those fears are lies.
When you realize this^^,
and that you do NOT have to see the world thru your family's eyes or put others down to "even it out", or think the glass is half empty,
you will so much happier.
And yes you will be loved again, if you want to be, which I think you do very much want. You just have your life to live as well as You can live it.
Not easy, but not complicated.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
