A Fresh, New Day - Pt II

[Pudmuddle]

Yes, I am feeling anger, frustration and resentment still. Not quite detached, but I have to work through these to get detached.

It's hard to watch him doing his own thing with no concern for me, at all. But then again, he hasn't shown concern the past 3 years or so, I guess now it just seems more final, even though it isn't. But you know what I mean.

I have been so emotionally lonely, now physically, for the past 6 years.

I actually wrote him a letter this morning, journaling all thoughts and feelings. I am NOT sending it to him at all, just needed to get it out. I may post it on here, just to reflect on it. I am still working on many issues.

Thanks AS, I really do appreciate your comments.

[Pudmuddle]

Jon, NQ,

Thanks for your posts. Jon I like that you are dressing up and going anyway. Good PMA!

NQ, Sounds like you are a great mom as well, for your son to tell you that before he did it. You have taught him well.

Both of you let me know what your costumes you decide on! I am going to find a Halloween party to go to by myself or with friends. Thanks for the motivation!

[Pudmuddle]

On another note, I am going out with friends tonight to have a drink, or ten. No, I won't do that, lol. I haven't had a drink in awhile, so I may be easily loopy.

And I invited them all! So I am making my own GALs! You all should be proud of me.

I will let my S know, but not sure I will tell H.

Because I don't care right now. I know this pissy mood will go away when I can just be me with friends.

[Not Quitting]

Both of you let me know what your costumes you decide on! I am going to find a Halloween party to go to by myself or with friends. Thanks for the motivation!

Pud, try checking out some of your local bars or Legion if there's one near you - our Legion and one or two of the local bars do Halloween parties, either on the actual night or the weekend prior, and the Legion party is open to non-members as well as members.

Due to budget constraints, I'm leaning towards something homemade, with minimal purchasing needed. The top ranking idea at the moment is a cat burglar - dressed in all black, black gloves, cat mask (from Dollar Store or similar) and a black bag filled with stuffed toy cats (which we have several of in the house), and maybe a pin-on cat tail if I'm feeling really fun. My costume will have to be tasteful as it is during the day and at the office - the office manager says the ladies are not allowed to show too much leg or cleavage - and it's got to be something I can actually work in as most of us stay in costume all day .

[Pudmuddle]

HaHA! I think a cat burglar is an awesome idea! with a bag of cats, LOL. I just may have to 'steal' this idea! Pun intended.

[Not Quitting]

You very welcome to steal it Pud.

The one lady at work who knows what I'm thinking about dressing up as thinks its hilarious as I used to be in the police reserve (talk about a 180 LOL )and a lot of them at work know that little fact.

[Feenix]

I was catching up on your sitch (I didn't know you had a new thread) and I was thinking exactly what AS said.

There are days where I'm like "I am done. I don't care what H says/does/thinks..." and I come up with all these hateful things I want to say (in my head)...things much like the ones you posted. And, I'm thinking that I'm finally detached. But I think AS is right.

We're not detached until we truly do not think about what our H is doing or saying...where they just don't even cross our minds anymore. I know, for me, I'm not there, yet.

And, I think that while you and I are fortunate to have our H's still at home...it also makes it much, much, much more difficult to detach. We're still a part of their lives, a little bit...just enough that we can't completely get off the coaster.

Hope you have a really good time tonight and enjoy yourself (but not TOO much! Lol!). Remember why you love being you and celebrate that.

Angela R

[Pudmuddle]

NQ, how very cool about you being on the police reserves. I don't have any faux cats, so I may have to actually steal some.

Angela, thanks for the support. I knew it wasn't right when I posted it out, that's why I posted it here instead of saying it. I am so bitter about this happening AGAIN, it almost seems more difficult to handle this time. I have lots of bitterness and anger to work through still. May be a LOT slower this time for me to recoup.

And AS is ALWAYS RIGHT ;), that's why ya gotta love his advice. I appreciate his honest answers so much.

[patientwarrior]

Pud, I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my thread with support and advice. While our boats may all look a little different, all of us here are trying to navigate the same choppy emotional waters, and the encouragement and support is so very nice to have. I hope you have a terrific night out!

[Not Quitting]

NQ, how very cool about you being on the police reserves. I don't have any faux cats, so I may have to actually steal some.

My son has just informed me that there's only a couple of cats in his bags of stuffed toys. I'll make it work, smaller bag, one in it and the other with its head sticking out of the bag