Well, it is her day off and she ended up sleeping until noon. She called me and apologized, and asked again for me to come over. So I went. I'm here now sneaking a post because she went to the bathroom.
Ahhhhh I knew you'd go lol. You just reset the counter on the DB / sitch. :-/
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
I'm here now sneaking a post because she went to the bathroom.
LOL! This just really struck me funny Maybe more of us should do similar- if we're with the WAS and they say something then we say "hang on a sec", pull out the phone, pull up the BB and say "hey guys, she said "X", how should I respond?"
I'm here now sneaking a post because she went to the bathroom.
LOL! This just really struck me funny Maybe more of us should do similar- if we're with the WAS and they say something then we say "hang on a sec", pull out the phone, pull up the BB and say "hey guys, she said "X", how should I respond?"
I seriously need that kind of help. ... There is a business idea for you AS; you could be like the DBing version of the Will Smith character from Hitch.
Me-45 W-44 T-7 years M-3 years (4th anniversary July 13, but we're separated) Kids from previous relationships (s14 d16 mine, s23, s24 hers)
Yeah, we need some sort of "emergency chat line" on mobile, so we can pretend to get a text, but it's really advice!
So, I went, had a couple cups of coffee. Just chatted about kids and joked around mostly. Very light. Zero D or R talk except W commented about my attorney who is very tall and skinny, and said it was really a waste of time for us to go to that hearing. I kept the conversation a lot shorter this time, less than an hour, then said I needed to go do some work. W said, "You don't have to leave, why don't you just stay until you have to pick up the kids?" sheesh.
She did say she saw a baby the other day that had black hair and blue eyes (W's hair is almost black and I have very blue eyes). She kind of sighed and said, "You never know what the future holds for us." I told her that would be expensive and iffy - both of us have been "fixed". She said, "Well, we could adopt." I was like "Let's cross that bridge when we come to it!" - and changed the subject. awkward!
When I left, she gave me a hug, and REALLY hugged me. We've hugged a couple of times, and she'll participate, but it was like a pat on the back or something. Today, she liked wrapped both arms around me, and hung on - told me she could tell there was definitely less of me to hug! I've lost 25 pounds.
Only one other very interesting bit of conversation - quite honestly, in all of this flip-flopping and back and forth and everything W has said, THIS is the first thing that gives me a genuine bit of hope.
She brought up something that I did that really bugged her. I had canceled our basic cable; we never watched it except maybe once every couple of weeks, so was a waste of $27 a month to me. She said I never talked to her about it, and it was just one more thing that made her feel like she didn't matter. I thought we DID talk about it, but oh well. I validated that I could see how that would make her feel that way, and told her that my intention was just to cut wasteful spending, but I should have talked it over with her. She said, "I forgive you for it, but it doesn't mean I don't trust you to not do it again." I said, "I appreciate you forgiving me, and it's OK that the trust isn't there, because trust takes time." She looked at me, and said, "I know. It's coming."
To me, THAT'S a good word. I'm gonna go lie down somewhere!
Jon - When we go through this process, we all want it over with as quick as possible. And we cling to the good signs. We are enticed to visit with the WAS whenever we get a rare invite. It feels good, it feels that maybe, just maybe this stupid sitch will be over.
But the reality is that there was something majorly wrong with the marriage. This sitch just isn't another argument... it's not just another fight.
She may very well change her mind over night. Heck sometimes its goes back and forth right in front of you.
If this were to smooth over shortly, you are destined to be at this point again and the next time it will hurt even more, effect more people, and cost a heck of a lot more.
But this is the time to bite the bullet and work on the underlying problem.
From the sounds of it, you have not made any progress at all. You haven't even really technically DB'ed. You really should take some time and reflect on how you got here and how to fix it. Really make some changes in YOU.
You may feel that you do recognize some of the problems and honestly feel that you have made changes already, but you are so early in your sitch, I guarantee you that your recent changes and revelations are not permanent, you and you quickly go back to the old Jon.
I'm not trying to be preachy, I am rooting for you. I am just sharing what I learned over the last two years while going through my sitch, and enduring over 100 hours of IC.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
@NTX - just for YOU, I won't accept any invites the rest of the weekend and next Friday I will skip the coffee! I'm kidding, I'm honestly going to do it for me. W obviously is responding to SOMETHING - I dunno what, but need to slow it down a little.
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I dropped off S5, and he wanted to get a flower to give D13, so we ran in real fast, and W was like, "Oh, you're not staying? I thought you guys were gonna come in for awhile and hang out." This woman drives me crazy.
I just said we needed to get going and get some chores done. I think last weekend was TOO much, so I'm going to pull back and slow down things a little.
