4) I am lonely 5) I feel like I'm making all the wrong decisions 6) I'm so confused. I miss you, but I don't want to tell you that because I don't want to mess with you 7) I can't figure out how to be happy without you 8) I am directionless 9) I don't feel like I'll ever be okay
Thank you for sharing this, because I think most of us would be shocked if we knew how many WAS's have these same thoughts. The WAS can show a calm, confident facade while internally struggling with these very questions. The fact that yours actually expresses them to you is a very good sign, she clearly feels very comfortable talking to you so I'd say your validation and listening skills are spot-on!
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And as I've said in the past, it's humbling to realize that this life she is living - the one she has so much to complain about and is so unhappy with - is a better option than a life with me.
I wouldn't look at it that way. Look at it this way- WAS's are VERY stubborn. They feel like once they make the decision to leave the M that they cannot go back under any circumstances. I remember reading an older thread here once where a WAS said she had told so many people so many bad things about her H to "justify" her leaving him that she didn't want to go back to him because she hated the thought of having to tell all those people she was wrong! It takes the WAS months if not years to decide leaving is their only option. They feel like once they commit to that choice, then the only way through is forward. They also have a huge fear that if they go back, the LBS will fall right back into old habits. They do not want to go back to the old M, and they're not convinced it's possible to have a new R and M with the LBS no matter how much the LBS has changed. That's why it takes so long, the WAS has a lot of internal baggage to process before they will consider returning.
