Becoming Patient Man III - Moving Forward

[PatientMan]

XW vents quite a bit about how difficult a time she is having, especially financially. She has to work so much to barely scrape by and even be late on some of her bills. It's very hard to stay there and just listen, but I'm doing it. Her complaints:

1) Money is tight, bills are hard to keep up with
2) She doesn't get to see the kids enough. She misses sporting events on the weekend because she has to work. Thinks the youngest is mad and "taking it out on her" that XW isn't spending enough time with her. (She hasn't gone to church with us in months because of work, though I'm not sure she would go anyway.)
3) The kids are being left at home by themselves more often so XW can work. (Either I am/will be on my way from work or she is getting back in time to take them to school.)

...these are, of course, in addition to the standard:

4) I am lonely
5) I feel like I'm making all the wrong decisions
6) I'm so confused. I miss you, but I don't want to tell you that because I don't want to mess with you
7) I can't figure out how to be happy without you
8) I am directionless
9) I don't feel like I'll ever be okay.

As I was saying, it's difficult to listen to her vent, especially about the financial part, and even more so about the children part, because I'm thinking:

1) You did this to yourself
2) This is what you said you wanted
3) There's this guy who loves you who would love to help
4) Many of these issues could go easily go away

...but I keep my mouth shut. I listen and try to validate as best I can when she feels the need to unload/vent (she really doesn't have anyone, in person, to vent to - though there are a few to vent to over the phone). Obviously she knows everything I would say anyway. And as I've said in the past, it's humbling to realize that this life she is living - the one she has so much to complain about and is so unhappy with - is a better option than a life with me.

And I write that knowing she isn't really living a life without me.

I don't want to give the impression that I've gone back to being a doormat, because that isn't being the case at all. Yes, she could be using me, though I don't think with malicious intent. But it could easily be argued that I'm using her in ways too.

-PM