Analogy: For 23 years, my wife and I have been playing Milton Bradley's Game of Life together. We have been choosing cards, spinning the wheel, living together, loving together, huddling together, moving around the little paths together, learning and loving to play the game as a team.
But some time ago, and without my knowledge, she began making secret plans to leave the game which we have been playing. She made plans to leave our playing field. She began to entertain thoughts of playing a different game, with new partners, on a different playing board. A new board where I cannot follow, and where I may not ever visit. I can only watch her game from the weak distance, through a scratchy piece of glass and listen to snippets of the new game on a scratchy AM radio. And because of our children, I will be obligated to watch her game through that scratched and cloudy glass, forever. I cannot even turn away from it, not even if I want to. The only thing I can do, is to learn how to bury the pain of watching.
My wife has left our playing field. She has knocked over the pieces, taken the ball and gone home, folded her hand, and quit the game. With these deliberate actions, she has emotionally kicked all my teeth out, and stomped on my heart.
She is in the process of destroying our financial security. She appears barely cognizant of the wounds she has caused in our children and to members of both families. She has left the game and gone to a secret dimension where I am not welcome. She has cast aside her wedding vows, and her ring, and has made herself available to others.
A concept: Love. What is love? I know what it is not: Love is not the pitter-pat of a teenage crush. Love is not a thumping of the heart, or butterflies in the stomach. That is immature, teenage love. Mature love is different. Mature, grown-up love is an intellectual decision; a decision to cherish and honor another person, through good times and bad.
But there is more. Mature love is exceeded by an even greater type of love. This is called marital love. Marital love is mature love, but also requires commitment. An commitment arrived at jointly ,to cherish and honor reciprocally. Both parties agree to love each other, without condition, and without limit. The agreement is binding unto death. There is even a legal contract for this. This contract is the marital vow.
What happens when one party decides to void her half of the contract? Decides unilaterally, to stop loving, to stop cherishing, to refuse to honor her husband? She seeks to legally end the marital agreement, her contract, and her love for her husband.
ILYBINILWY
And here I am.
That is all for now.
Maybe the greatest thing I've ever read on these boards. You just described my life for the last 6 months. I'm sorry for your sitch. You brought me to tears for the first time in a month. Thank you for expressing my own feelings so well.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
