ToMrBond,25yearsmic,big bruce,Lostinscared,crimson

[25yearsmlc]

If you had answered my questions so I could recall your situation earlier
I might have said something more useful. I simply did not remember enough soon enough. Then Found your thread.

Anyhow, here's the deal. You are hurting and you are sad and that is NORMAL and will pass!

But hey, a divorce is a piece of paper. When your wife sees you becoming the best FATHER you can become and taking more interest in the child, as you seem to be doing, she will be moved.

No mother is unmoved by that. It's deeply touching.

But do NOT pursue her. The more you question her or pursue her and argue about her choice, the more she defends it.

Don't challenge her choice to leave anymore b/c it's done. If she feels sad about it, and tells you, do NOT tell her "she made her bed now lie in it"...

don't show the anger

but it's okay to feel a "sad resigned acceptance" like you know SHE is LOSING as much as you are. Not that you are always going to be alone OR that you want to punish her but that is a tragedy. YET you will survive and be alright.

That is how to accept this setback like the man you are and the man you want HER to see you as.

AND

Please

Drop the mother as an issue. Drop her. She's like a crazy homeless person saying mean things to you. If the comments are not true, then the data is not real. And crazy lies from someone with a chip on her shoulder about men, are not something you should waste time on.

Plus, you have zero control over the mother in law and therefore she gets dropped from your brain and heart as soon as possible. No more energy goes her way. Make sense?

Focus on the life YOU are going to start creating.

Btw, what NEW activities are you doing to Get A Life?

Please let us know the CHANGES in YOU are taking place. What's New and different about YOU and how YOU resolve conflict?

You must model that for your wife, instead of telling her that "there are better ways" SHOW HER.

Don't give in and then resent it...that teaches her you are weak or too lazy or uncaring to fight for what you want, and she gets to have her way if she is pushy enough.

MODEL GAL & HEALTHY COMMUNICATIONS FOR your wife, without pointing it out. She will notice that. Trust me there.

Many women stay with their h's solely b/c the man is a "good father and provider". So please put your daughter ahead of all else for now.

AND Hey, I have two family members who divorced and later remarried their former spouses. So yes It happens.

They each (all four people in the two couples) continued to grow after their divorces, and they saw each other now & then b/c of the child.

Each seemed to work on themselves. I am not sure any of them thought or intended to reconcile early on, but they did.

And yes, it was better the 2nd time around.