my only goal was to say as little as possible, and STFU.
Most of the time that's a good strategy, LOL!
Quote:
If she says "I'm nervous" - I sort of validated by saying "It is hard."
I'm just thinking you could have used the opportunity to get her to open up more, which requires asking questions about her feelings. "When you say you're nervous, what is it that's making you feel that way?" Then as she explores that you just be the best listener possible, lots of eye contact, nodding your head, and asking more questions to get her to share more. Of course she may not want to, you have to let her drive the convo.
Quote:
But if she says, "I don't know if I can do anything different" - do I ask what seems to be so overwhelming? Or what is she afraid of? Or why does she feel that way?
That last one is the winner- why does she feel that way, or even better- "how does that make you feel?" In RetroV they teach to focus on the feelings, not the events that caused them. Instead you discuss the way you feel and relate those feelings to other experiences you've had, talk about what the intensity of those feelings is, etc. It may sound like you're avoiding talking about the issues, but when people talk about their feelings and feel like the person they're talking to is really listening, then it develops a strong bond between them over time. When you explore the feelings, the issues work themselves out. It's powerful stuff.
Quote:
So, do I go, and avoid R talks at ALL costs? Or just say, "Hey, I need some time to figure some things out. How about next week?"
I definitely wouldn't say the latter, if you decide not to go then tell her you're busy but will take her up on that some other time. If you decide to go then don't initiate R talks, but if she does then it's OK to listen to her (and validate).
