I appreciate all of your encouragement and advice.
On the independence issue, I don't know how to explain this but I have always been independent in my outward life or in my actions. Like I can change a tire and even do some engine repairs, I can fix fence and do home repairs, I have been on several long distance trips by myself or with the kids but no H, I did a half-marathon earlier this year and a Spartan race....those kinds of things I can do.
It's the mental and emotional independence I need to work on.
uR, you're right (and PM said this, too). I'm still VERY affected by H's actions and moods. I worry about not having him in my life. I worry about if he's cheating on me or not. I worry that he'll never love me again. It's these self-defeating thoughts that I have to get rid of. And, that is TOUGH.
But all of you have given me some very concrete things to work on. And, I've been thinking a lot about them today. I need to get my journal out and start putting stuff to paper.
And, uR, how in the world did you know that I really, really, really need to forgive myself??? That just made me sob when I read that. I guess that's true for a lot of us on these forums. Very insightful.
So, looks like I've got a lot of work to keep me busy and out of H's way for awhile. LOL!
