Maritimer, haven't caught up with your thread lately, but do whatever you need to do to make your kids first priority. You will indeed always be their father. Don't let anyone get in the way of your relationship with them. Your kids need you now more than ever. Ignore your W's emotions if she's being moody about you seeing them. Let her be mad and negative. Let her go on her journey.
Keep your PMA for yourself and your kids. They're watching you and need your security. You can do this!
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Planet, You are correct. I should be grateful that I am seeing the several time a week. Plenty of my friends works out west an they only see there kids every 28 days and the kids don't forget about them.
ETC, great to hear from you! I need to be a bit more stronger emotionally & not let her negativity effect me. Questioning why I am still attracted to her, because she is not being a very nice person towards me.
Its so challenging doing outdoor activities with 2 boys under 4. I will not let it deter me from trying to create a fun nurturing childhood that I always wanted them to have. Creating and excepting my "new normal"
Read the "legacy of divorce last night"... It should be mandatory reading for every person thinking of procreating. So sad how some people dont consider the effects this will have on our children. Reflecting on how many stable blended family's I know, I cant.
Started feeling sad yesterday about this whole situation. All part of the ride I guess.
Good news is that it will be a sunny weekend to enjoy a motorbike ride in the woods to enjoy the beautiful fall colors!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
As others have said don't worry about kids not loving you as much. You will always be their father and they will love you.
I'm not sure if you mentioned before but why do you have to see them at her place? Can you take them out (maybe to dinner or to a park)? I can't imagine how hard it is to enjoy the time with the coldness it sounds like she shows you.
Have you guys discussed custody arrangements? Sorry again if I missed this.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I see them at her place because I live 30 min from her currently, and the youngest goes to bed at 7:30. Due to work I don't get home till 6:00.
We don't have any custody arrangements, just a verbal agreement on her terms. I don't have the money to hire a layer because if I ask for anything different she will go to court.
I have a 6 month plan to move near baby mamas house so then I should be able to have them over to my place without her supervision. Once I buy my own home near her, the daycare, their future school, I will then proceed for more visitation. Need all my ducks in a line first.
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Can you get a apartment closer to her...Why the need for a house right away? Any 2 bedrooms?
I understand the need for consistency and systems with Autism but the apartment would provide a place for them to come. It would also make a transition quicker and easier for your kids. Most importantly, it would provide you more time to look at the ENTIRE chessboard and watch how things shake out in the near/mid term.
Avoid anything that will tie you down the next 1-3 years. You just survived a bomb.......stay loose.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
There are very few apartments where she lives but due to being a smaller community they usually dont allow pets, or are for "mature tenants only" so no kids. Most require signing a year long lease which I hate to be committed to.
My rush for a house is due that I really miss having a yard for my kids & dog to play in. No people upstairs making noise half the night, Rent is higher than a mortgage if you get a place under 150K. Newer mini homes with big yards go for under 70K. I guess it has to do with building equity and having something I can call my own. I loved the community I use to live in & it is where I would like to live long term. My current basement apartment is dark and cold, kinda brings my mood down.
I am planning for a life that myself and my boys can enjoy and be proud of. I have no expectations that she will want to return into a relationship with me. I still prey and hope that she would want to be my wife again but the way she has been towards me don't look promising. I never seen her act this way to anyone else in the 11 years that I have known her. When I leave her place and say goodbye to everyone she looks at me with emotionless dark eyes, not acknowledging me then shuts the door.. so cold.
My friends and family cant believe how calm, positive, and understanding I am going through all of this. Some joked saying I would be the most amicable husband to get a divorce with! It is unfortunate that she does not want to be with the person I have become.
I just need the strength to get through the next 5 month so I can implement these changes. I can and will do this!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
I discovered a 1987 gem from Tom Petty called "It'll All Work Out"
"When she needed me I wasn't around That's the way it goes, it'll all work out
There were times apart, there were times together I was pledged to her for worse or better When it mattered most I let her down That's the way it goes, it'll all work out"
I cried then had a feeling of relief. I regret deeply that I was not their when she needed me the most. Like most of us here we know what we would have done different but you cannot change the past, only learn from it.
Im wondering what can I do differently. I never receive emails, text or phone calls from her. She seems to be shutting me out completely from her life. Should I make an effort to reach out or continue with minimal communication? Been doing great following the 37 rules, no relation talk since February and that was "I still dont want to be with you".
I understand that DB'ing is for me, & it has helped me tremendously, but our ultimate goal would be to reunite with our spouse.
Is their anything different I can do here? I will continue to be patient, keep a PMA, give her distance as much as i can but still see my children, and work on self improvement.
What else can I do?
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
I got a bit frustrated last night when I went to get some medication and my coverage has been terminated. Why would she not tell me this before hand? Her work pays for a family policy, no money out of her pocket. She had to go out of her way to do this.
Not sure how much more rejection I can handle. I am continuing to become a better person, and treat the mother of my children with the respect she deserves. I dont expect much but going out of her way to inconvenience me just makes me wonder why I still hope to be with this person.
I never expected that she would treat me so poorly.
Should I do anything differently?
Im doing a wonderful job on me but how do I improve communication when it feels she just want to cut all lines of communication?
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Im doing a wonderful job on me but how do I improve communication when it feels she just want to cut all lines of communication?
You don't! Your sitch is a great argument for going dark. Her actions clearly indicate she wants to have nothing to do with you. Take the hints and give her the time and space she's after. I rarely recommend going dark to people, but I think you need it both for you and for your W.
