AS far as becoming a better spouse, I've been in that mode, been in therapy, read books, talked... for years. Just because I haven't solved the problem doesn't mean I haven't made that attempt. I'm ready to hear anything, if only she'd say it. Took her to therapy years ago, and it was helpful, but not enough.
There's only so much you can do. It's not a given that a perfect husband will guarantee that a wife will want sex. And at some point, bending over backwards with no results can also lead to resentment. So I do the best to make it a good relationship without an expectation of sex. And no sex has resulted. That's where I am now.
