Well you got that right, LOL! Oh man, you are applying so much pressure to her. I'm surprised she didn't just really blow up.
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So, I waited awhile. She's a hothead, so I know I need to give a few minute window. I said, "I'm sorry if I offended you. Here's my thought process: on Sunday, we hung out, snuggled, watched TV, even kissed. Then you messaged me making sure I knew that you had no feelings, and that you were moving forward with the divorce. Monday morning, we went to get the trial dates scheduled, and get things rolling. I didn't hear a peep from you since then, and then out of the blue, you tell me you want the continuance/stay, and are thinking things over. I apologize that I responded so callously, but sometimes, I'm simply having trouble keeping up. I just wanted to let you know my state of mind."
First, this would have been a good opportunity to validate. Seek to get her to tell you HER state of mind, don't offer her yours. Second, have you forgotten everything you've learned about how the WAS is in a lot of turmoil, how they are driven by emotions and not logic? About how they run hot and cold? About the distance/ pursuit cycle? Everything you described back to her is NORMAL for a WAS. Accept it! But you can't reason with her! You can't explain things logically to her!! Don't even try! Just validate her emotions.
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A looooong agonizing pause, and she responded, "Fine. I'm nervous about it. I don't know if I can do anything different."
I said, "It is hard. Regardless, my attorney already had one ready to file anyway, so you would just need to agree to it. I'll let think about it. Night"
Here's your homework Your response to this wasn't validation, try to craft a response that is validation and post it here. What I'm trying to get you to do is start thinking in those terms (you'll remember better if you craft it versus me telling you what you should have said), so that the next time it happens you remember this and modify your behavior.
Your response to this wasn't validation, try to craft a response that is validation and post it here. What I'm trying to get you to do is start thinking in those terms (you'll remember better if you craft it versus me telling you what you should have said), so that the next time it happens you remember this and modify your behavior.
