I asked H how he felt about it and he said he feels like an outsider. I reminded him that my family has always been open to him, even after all that has happened.
-SIGH- Sometimes it's so frustrating to me that as much as we talk about validation around here, and as much as MWD discusses it in DR, people continue to do the exact opposite! Your H shared his FEELINGS with you, and you NEGATED his feelings! You told him his feelings are WRONG!! You have to understand, his feelings whether good or bad are REAL to him and you need to acknowledge them through validation. A validating response would be something like "I didn't know that makes you feel like an outsider, that must be very difficult for you, how does that make you feel, are you frustrated? Angry?" The idea is to get him to discuss his feelings with you. Validation is not agreeing/ disagreeing/ explaining/ reasoning/ negotiating, it is simply acknowledging.
