That was a hard pill to swallow, but I did it. I know that will more than likely be a fun day for daughter, and she deserves to spend time with all of her family, so I agreed to let her go. As hard as that was for me, I will let her go. I also agreed to let W have daughter for a while on her birthday. It is getting better with time.
Great, that's a good attitude to have about it!
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Does it make me the one who should hold the majority of the blame? Absolutely not, and I am not about to go through life with the feeling that it was. I honestly feel that W holds a bigger part in it all than a lot of you care to acknowledge
Like 25 always says, lose the scorecard. No one here has said your W is blameless, all we've been saying is your posts have been almost solely focused on blaming your W for everything while owning none of your own faults. Even in this post you say you did have your faults, "BUT..." Whenever you say "but" you negate everything before it. DB'ing is all about owning your faults, forgiving your spouse for theirs, and moving on to make yourself the best possible person you can. You have never owned your faults because in your eyes, your W's faults are worse. What we're telling you is her faults DO NOT MATTER. Those are HERS to own. They are HER roadblock to being the best possible person she can be. You've got to focus on your faults and let hers go.
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Does that mean I cannot learn to treat her with dignity and respect? Does that mean I cannot co-parent with her? No it doesn't, but I will need to learn to be an even better man to do so.
Exactly. This is one of the most profound observations you've made in quite a while. Now set some goals for being that better man, what does that look like? How can you achieve that?
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My God, I am trying to be a better man, for my sake, daughters sake and wifes sake. I just have a whole lot of hurt to get passed in the process.
Good, now you're starting to get at the root of things!! How can you process that hurt without converting it into anger? If you let the hurt become anger, it will never go away. But if you can process the hurt without letting it become anger, you will heal and emerge a better person.
