Got in a big argument with W over her replacement car tonight. I was looking for one several months back and let it drop, because I told her I wanted it to be her decision. She dropped it too. She even signed us up for Triple A road service recently "just in case" and asked me to service her brakes, so I figured she was happy to keep the present car.
Over the past few months (while neither of us were even talking about a car) I started having second thoughts about spending 30-50 grand if we were only going to end up splitting our assets.
Tonight she mentioned that she found one she liked. I said I was no longer sure I wanted to spend that much on a car. (we've always agreed on big ticket items, or didn't get them) She of course now feels like I'm denying her a nice car, which I tried to explain that I'm not.
We haven't argued like this in a long time, probably about a year. I felt like I did well. Kept calm, didn't curse and I demanded respect. When it became obvious she was loosing control, I smiled and said we should talk about it tomorrow.
I'd have no problem with getting even the most expensive car, if I felt like neither of us were liable to end the M in the next couple of years.
Is it possible to explain this to her without it sounding like an ultimatum? She's remained frugal through all this, so I doubt even she'd want to spend big money on a car knowing she may soon have half the assets she has now.
Or do I just roll the dice and ok the expense?
The way she fought was out of line, but to be honest, neither of us have much experience with fighting, and I think this can be corrected over time.
Maybe now would be a good time to ask her to read 5LL?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
