Venting: it's really hard to coexist with H when he is such a stranger. It has come to the point that when we are both passing through the hallway, he almost jumps as not to touch me even by accident. This is just ridiculous. He does everything in his power to maintain a distance and appear short in his answers to me. He is closed up to a unnatural level. It's as if I'm poisonous and showing any sign of closeness brings him back to his reality and he goes the opposite way.
The rest of the day was uneventful. Because I am refraining from talking about the R and also from making any comments about us or asking any questions pertaining us, I have a better chance to OBSERVE him. I highly recommend.
When I just observe him, I feel more detached. SS11 and I laugh at shows on TV and apps we download. Meanwhile H is sulking in his cranky planet. He is such an unhappy and complicated person, I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.
When talking about the baby, who will arrive in three weeks, he keeps saying he is scared, so scared. He says the stress of it is consuming him.
Surprisingly I am not. I was with S1. I was very much falling apart and anxious with everything. S1 went to NICU. It was very stressful.
I'm ready for this baby. I'm excited about him, besides everything.
I wonder if H will get out of the fog once he realizes it's not so scary to have another little guy.
