Thank you my forum friends!

[chasingpavements]

For me, those deep feelings of care and love for W are there still, cached away safely until it is safe for them to be expressed. I have been allowing myself, in very small, incremental doses, to open up to being vulnerable. small, safe, doses, lol.

This is where I am at right now as well. I have dialed back on expressing love and affection to him. I feel like, in a way, this has made me not as emotionally connected to him as I used to be, however it would not be hard for me to get those feelings back. I will just take it one day at a time!

If I feel my equanimity being rippled, I dial back a wee bit until I have my expectations back in check. And I have noticed that expectations are still the pain bringer. And it is hard at this "acceptance"/"reconnection" phase because they are not stable enough, comfortable enough in themselves, much less the R, to even begin to approach consistency. So it is our job to manage ourselves, our expectations and be the leader in consistency...while they lead the reconnection dance.

I agree that those pesky expectations are the pain bringer For now I am just happy knowing we are headed forward, for me that is a bit of a relief. I like the idea from Divorce Remedy to set small, attainable goals, and notice any little positive changes, looking for those small victories. I think breaking it down into smaller chunks is good for keeping the expectations in check.

I definitely agree that WE have to be the ones to show consistency, as they tend to be all over the map! I often feel that I am trying to keep calm in the eye of the storm... for me the past 7 months has been CRAZY! Sometimes it's so hard to remain strong, focused, and consistent when it does feel like we are in the middle of a huge storm. At least things seem to be leveling out a bit around here. We can do this!!