I'm back for a while

[ClingingToHope]

D11 is in a rough patch right now. She had a meltdown at school on Friday, then was sick over the weekend, served her suspension on Tursday and today had another meltdown this time with me.

Basically, she's behind at school because of being sick and the suspension so she had homework. She announced in the car she would fail art because there was no way she could get the art homework done by Friday.

Well, I said we had time to work on it right now and she couldn't play on any electronics until the homework was done.

She is seriously addicted to her DS, my Kindle, Minecraft, etc.

And she just went off for a while.

It took about an hour to calm her down.

She's struggling at school with a kid in her class who, she says, calls her ugly and stupid. She's complained and they are keeping an eye on it.

She's always been A) the youngest and most immature in her class and for a lot of years B) the bad kid, the one who gets into trouble.

So she really struggles with her self esteem and loves to get lost in video games, reading and writing.

After she finally calmed down we went for a bike ride to get some fresh air and talk before starting her homework.

Then we went back and finished her art homework -- I gave her five minutes on my Kindle before starting reading. Then XW showed up to get her.

I explained to her after she'd calmed down that when I was younger I would cry and scream and throw fits so I could play baseball or basketball or some kind of game before doing homework.

I usually got my way.

It only taught me that if I cause enough trouble I will get to do what I want instead of what is required of me ... and that has hurt me to this day.

We also talked about self esteem. She says the classmate makes her feel like she'll never have a boyfriend. No one will ever like her.

I told her the saying sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me is garbage. Bones heal. Names can cause permanent scars.

I told her part of the reason I've struggled so much with the divorce -- they notice -- is that I was an 11-year-old once who got picked on because my hair was messy and I didn't have cool clothes.

When I got married to a cheerleader type I felt like I'd shown all those classmates, see, you were wrong about me. Then, when it ended, I felt like I was that 11-year-old again.

So we talked about getting better together.

Anyway, XW came and got her and took off. And my head spun for a while on various weird scenarios likely to pop up in the next couple of years.

There are days I just wish I could zoom the calendar ahead to D11's college years when I can just, if I feel like it, put miles and miles between XW and I.

I'm at work now. My schedule is wacky right now. I end up working late a lot Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday so I can work shorter on Thursdays when I have the girls and Fridays when I either have the girls or have to go work a football game.

It's taking a while to get used to it.