Taking the next step

[Not Quitting]

I'm getting very frustrated with the the apparent situation of my W having the best of both worlds while I get the worst. I know this is the way it is, and I signed on for the long haul. Still keeping up my PMA through my efforts to retrain my brain, meditate, be calm, etc.

Yep, it’s that roller coaster ride that we got unwillingly got dragged onto . You're having a down day, and once in a while that's allowed.

What's getting to me, besides jealousy is frustration because I feel my life has been on hold pretty much since college, due to debt trapping me in my job, and of course the loneliness of my sitch. Not just socializing, but lack of intimacy. I feel that's been on hold for nearly forever, too. Part of it is just that inner child crying with jealousy that W can have that now with someone else any time, and for me it's an effort just to get out of the house and interact with anyone, never mind members of the opposite sex. And just platonic interaction, of course.

Sounds similar to me, MH. Debt forced me to take a lower paying job when I got laid off a few years ago and I’ve been stuck there ever since. And now, my age is going to start going against me . Platonic interaction is fine MH. That’s kind of like a mom with a newborn in the house – longing for some adult conversation. I'm sure the cats are much of conversationalists.

As I'm simplifying, dejunking, and reading inspiring stories of other peoples lives, I'm getting restless again. A part of me wants to sell everything and hit the road. Or get this place sold (very unlikely) and move into a small apartment in town, where there are things to walk to. Or even just travel to visit family - moving on as they get sick of me. But, I don't really have the money to do much. Unless I really do sell everything!

I hear ya about money putting plans on hold. I’d love to get my own place, but money doesn’t allow it. I’d love to take my son to the place he wants to see, in the US, Canada and elsewhere in the world, but without more money it’s not going to happen. Yet H is out and about all the time with friends or OW or even on his own. What’s stopping you from selling? If my place was mine to sell I would, because there’s too many memories there for me to want to stay here for the rest of my life.

I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed. I want to start be using my vacation to do some stuff locally. Stuff I would have preferred to do with W, but it will be an adventure and good for my self confidence and PMA to do by myself. I also want to be a little bit less available to her. I have cut down on my texting and even my replies to her texts. I try not to be the last one to reply all the time when we have a conversation - if you can call texting conversing <sigh>.

Ok, sounds like we need to come up with a new list of comedians or Britcoms for you . You need some laughter in your life today. Now brighten up and stick a smile on that face of yours or I really will give you another list of comedians to look up .

And btw, you really do need to start another thread - I'm surprised this one hasn't been locked yet .