I'm getting very frustrated with the the apparent situation of my W having the best of both worlds while I get the worst. I know this is the way it is, and I signed on for the long haul. Still keeping up my PMA through my efforts to retrain my brain, meditate, be calm, etc.
What's getting to me, besides jealousy is frustration because I feel my life has been on hold pretty much since college, due to debt trapping me in my job, and of course the loneliness of my sitch. Not just socializing, but lack of intimacy. I feel that's been on hold for nearly forever, too. Part of it is just that inner child crying with jealousy that W can have that now with someone else any time, and for me it's an effort just to get out of the house and interact with anyone, never mind members of the opposite sex. And just platonic interaction, of course.
As I'm simplifying, dejunking, and reading inspiring stories of other peoples lives, I'm getting restless again. A part of me wants to sell everything and hit the road. Or get this place sold (very unlikely) and move into a small apartment in town, where there are things to walk to. Or even just travel to visit family - moving on as they get sick of me. But, I don't really have the money to do much. Unless I really do sell everything!
I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed. I want to start be using my vacation to do some stuff locally. Stuff I would have preferred to do with W, but it will be an adventure and good for my self confidence and PMA to do by myself. I also want to be a little bit less available to her. I have cut down on my texting and even my replies to her texts. I try not to be the last one to reply all the time when we have a conversation - if you can call texting conversing <sigh>.
is frustration because I feel my life has been on hold pretty much since college, due to debt trapping me in my job, and of course the loneliness of my sitch. Not just socializing, but lack of intimacy. I feel that's been on hold for nearly forever, too. Part of it is just that inner child crying with jealousy that W can have that now with someone else any time, and for me it's an effort just to get out of the house and interact with anyone, never mind members of the opposite sex. And just platonic interaction, of course. 
