A Fresh, New Day

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks Jon, DH and Preggo. It does feel a bit more positive, yes.

On another note, I have some new drama today. Last night, my H and S came and talked with me about a job my S had applied for. S expressed that he thought it would be too much pressure to have a job with school and all and just thought he didn't want to do it. It struck me as odd as he hasn't even been offered the job yet, but was already saying he didn't want to do it. My H and I talked to him calmly about how he hasn't even heard from them yet, so he may not even have to worry about it. And also, if he did get it he could try it for awhile and then always quit if it became too much. H and S seemed to be at ease after that. My S went to bed after that and H went back downstairs.

Then...about 20 mins later S comes into my room again and shuts the door. He says he is feeling really down and just confused about life. Slowly I start to ask him questions about how he is feeling, what has caused this turn for him, what is going on. I then just sat back and waited for him to reply. He was crying. He then began to tell me that he felt really badly for about the past 3 years because he had started smoking pot with friends back when he was a freshman in HS and he knew he had been not telling us what was going on. He then commented that it was just an escape to just make things go away and make the pain lessen. I said I understood how he felt that way and that nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. I then tried to find out what had caused him to feel so much pain. He just said everything. School was hard for him and dealing with other kids and their drama and harshness had gotten to him. He had some friends in his freshman year that treated him like crap. One of the reasons we moved to help him get a fresh start and in a better school academically. He also said that was why he was worried about the job, because of the drug test and he didn't think he would pass it. Then he mentioned the death of my father last year and whatever was going on with H and I.

I told him my father's death had been very hard for me too, and I had to reach out for help to deal with it. I also reassured him that I loved his father very much and I was going to give my absolute best effort to make the marriage work. And that his father is on his own path right now where he needs to discover what makes him happy. I said I wish your father would get some help too, but he doesn't want that right now and he need to be on his own journey. But no matter what happens we both love him very much.

He said he didn't feel like he could tell Dad because he didn't know how he was going to react. My H in the past few years had been harsh and critical when my S doesn't "do things right". I said "well right now we don't have to tell him until you are ready. But I would like to help you get someone to talk to. It's ok to ask for help and sometimes life is just really hard and we need help knowing how to deal."

So here I am, filled with sadness for my S and wondering how and when I will tell my H. Maybe this will wake him up and see that there are more important things than his own selfishness and happiness. I don't know, and maybe it won't. I'm going to leave his reactions at the door and focus on my S. If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate the thoughts.