on the edge...

[dingo]

Yesterday was our actual anniversary and we had another great night out. Went to a nice restaurant, had a nice meal and shared our favorite dessert. With a few exceptions, the last week or so has really felt good. She has laughed and joked with me, smiled a lot and invoked a lot of our old customs/pet names, etc. I have taken some of the advice from the books and board that say 'have an affair with your wife' or 'treat her like you did when you first started dating' and they seem to be working.

She did say that she read the sections of your post Sandi and appreciated them. She said it was informative but that just like everything else I have given her, some things applied to our situation and some things didn't. When I asked her what didn't, she said that that just because she may feel a compulsion to spend time or contact the OM, doesn't mean that she feels he's her soul mate. She's actually said something similar before: "its not like he's my knight in shining armor." I took these as pretty positive statements. She also said that she understands the difference between love and lust, that she has read a lot, if not all, of the things I have sent to her in the past and has really spent a lot of time thinking about our situation rationally and logically. Again, i think these are all positive statements.

Tonight is going to be a big test for me. We drove into work separately and after work she is going to yoga class with one of her friends. This friend had a relationship crisis earlier in the week and after yoga they are going to get a drink and talk about it. While this friend is young and single, she has been one of the people that has encouraged my wife to stay in the marriage and at an earlier point in all of this, refused to hang out with her and the OM. The tough part for me is that my wife is notoriously bad about keeping me in the loop on her plans. She will tell me she will be home around 830 and not get home until 1030 with no phone call, text, etc. This was the case long before any of the affair stuff and has always been a point of contention between us. I want the courtesy of some basic knowledge of what she's doing and when she expects to be home but she thinks of that as me being her parent. Of course now with the affair looming over this, the issue of unaccounted for time becomes even more contentions and causes lots of anxiety in me.

I told her this morning to just let me know what her plans are tonight and she is acutely aware of what that means. I am approaching tonight with the expectation that she will be home later than I expect. I do believe that she will be with her girlfriend tonight and don't want to ruin the progress we've made on the real issue the past few days by making a big deal of a minor issue. I have plans to stay busy doing some of my own things and am actually looking forward to some alone time.

After tonight, the next big test will be next week when I have to go out of town for work for a couple of days. Any advice on how to approach that?