CTH, like you, I have a special needs kid who gets an IEP every year. When my XH is in town, he accompanies me. And like you, this is primarily a female group (we've only once had a male present since she was 3). I often feel bad for my XH, and make sure that I include him in every discussion we have. I know that I have a mama bear complex, and it's been my role since day 1 to protect my kid. I know he doesn't feel any differently, it's just that I take the stage automatically.
I'm not going to apologize for that, though...
Knowing the educators involved with my D16, and I can't speak for you, but can you fire off an e-mail to the main person (special ed is called ILC here) and enlist her help in keeping on track? Let her know that it's uncomfortable to begin with, and this is just tough for you right now? Then get her to keep the other teachers present to stay focused. Crap, our IEP could easily last 2 hours, but we only get an hour to do it. I should think they welcome getting things moving along for the very limited time you get to discuss education goals.
My guess is that you'd garner support without having to take one to your gut, particularly since your IEP is about your daughter and not the mom.
Good luck!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
