MM - I think assertiveness is also about living life as you want it. For example, suppose you are at a party and do not like it. An unassertive response might be to tolerate it, and so waste time. An assertive response would be to leave, thanking the organizers for inviting you.
I'll plug going to EE here, which I found very helpful, particularly if you live in the Philadelphia area.
Okay, ad over -

You have the same right to life, time and freedom as your spouse. Or put differently, you have no less rights than they do. So expect something of them also - forget his whims - if your spouse wants you he should want YOU, the real McCoy, the whole enchilada. Be kind, honest, generous, by all means, but not at excessive cost to yourself.

Talk back, walk out on poor treatment, push back; you have a perfect right (an excellent book, btw) to be treated well, and to expect that of your partner.

It might be useful to list his behaviors and your responses to them (which is your thread?) on this site and get feedback. We may not get our relationships straightened out, but we can find our self-respect again.

Luke

M58, xW54
S22, D18
M 1984, D 2016
Living a new life.