Okie. Got it, gabbysmom, otherwise it sounds like an attack on H, right? I thought so too.
I don't know if I posted here that I had a meltdown yesterday and H just said again everything I didn't want to hear: sees me like a sister, can't be affectionate because the feelings are gone, he is down a path he is not sure he can come back from etc. Bad preggonow for bring the R AGAIN.
However, I did mention some things I didn't like about him and he wanted to know more about those, so I explained that he was very antisocial and I think that was something I wished was different. He wants to change that and wants to go out more with acquaintances we have in common.
Anyway, so today I took a deep breath and decided to start fresh, less drama, more detachment.
I decided to pull away by instead of hanging out downstairs with H, getting my room clean and organized drawers instead. It was only a question of time before H came upstairs and started conversations, so this plan sort of worked.
I went to my exercise class (which is called stroller strides -- a group of girls with jogging strollers gets together on the beach or parks and we run and exercise -- I try to go every day) and after class I usually release the little beast (S1) in a playground. I would have just let him play for 15 minutes, knowing that H is at home, but instead I let S1 play for an hour.
When I got home I took my time getting S1 out of the car just to see how long H would take to come after us and there he was by the garage.
He started a convo about the front yard and how he wanted to tackle it this weekend when SS11 arrives. He wants to change some of the plants around and trim everything.
(PS: pudmuddle, now I see how acts of service is his love language. He has been fixing the house like a mad man and said yesterday that this is how he is showing that he cares. He is, however, a very affectionate man, so it bothers me that he is not using that love language yet)
Anyway, H went to get SS11 at the airport and they went to museums and stuff right after. H had invited me to go but S1 needed a nap, so I stayed home.
When they arrived I went to get SS11's favorite pizza and ice cream. The boys ran around and played a lot, even though the hadnt seen each other in almost a year. It was very funny and fun to watch. Because we have a few living rooms, I always stayed in the one H was not and he kept moving to the one I was at (that is my evil little test).
We all watched a comedy show, talked a lot and laughed. It's a good thing to have small kids because they keep things light and us from fighting and discussing heavy stuff.
We all participated in S1's bath and instead of going back downstairs, I stayed in my room reading. S1 went to sleep and SS11 also stayed in his room. I wonder how H feels about all this.
I have also taken my wedding ring off -- is this a bad move?
Another question: a friend invited me to go to a Brazilian steakhouse on Thursday with her husband and a group of other people. H would LOVE something like that and he has been craving having any kind of social life. A part of me wants to DB the heck out of this and go by myself as my GAL plan, but a part of me thinks I should invite SS11 and H to integrate them in my social life. ANY THOUGHTS????
