So she's had some "big sister" friends who have spoken very positively about female sexuality and it seems to have softened her position a bit, but not enough to take any action.
What do you mean she has softened her position a bit? Have you discussed this ?
How does she justify to you that she has changed the rules to your marriage, and she does not intend on working on herself?
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay