Thanks for all your prompt replies and kudos to mod for approving my posts this fast. I agree with pudmuddle, it definitely is easier to handle the second time round but the recurring affairs did make me sit down and take a real good look at our marriage. I reached a point where i accepted that despite both of us contributing to problems, only i was i control of changing myself in order to determine a different outcome.
And so i did some soul searching and embarked on some major 180s. I began seeing a T and after a few sessions, he recommended DR to me. (Which leads me here). Id also been doing some research on bpd (borderline personality disorder) which i think my H may be suffering from, id always known he had mood and depression issues, and reading more about this disorder helped me to handle things better. Id joined a psych forum which has provided good support but naturally its geared towards the disorder aspect of things and not the remedying of the relationship. If i may, id like to post a link here so u can get gain a better insight of my sitch.
Minus the shame and suicidal moods, his flight mode seems to echo WAS too. Ive tried my best to outline my goals and solution oriented actions and started the solutions journal. I read somewhere that it is in fact a "divorce", you're divorcing your old marriage and starting a new one , only with the sams person. I am all for this, in no way do i want to go back to the same dynamic we've had for 10 years (yes it has been that long, even early on our dating R, ive already noted these cycles).
