I remember feeling a couple of things, first I was sad that H didn't think I was worth fighting for because I had fought for him for years prior to getting in an A. Second, I thought "Oh great, now I won't have either of them" because OM and I had broken it off a few days before. However, I had ended it because we weren't spending that much time together and he felt so guilty when we did it wasn't worth the chance at ruining my M. Then, H found out anyway.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
Were you sorry that you did text OM? It sounds like you wish you wouldn't have done it? I would love to send a text like that at an opportune moment. However, I don't think its going to have a positive effect on my situation. Just like bashing his face in would momentarily make me feel better but, the subsequent jail time and restraining order would be detrimental to all my efforts thus far. Trust me, I know better.
Thanks LTH,
Thanks for being so candid with us LBS's. Your point of view helps me understand my MLCer more clearly.
Here is a question for you all.
My S doesn't know that I know about OM. What is the best way to handle this new development when I get back home in a couple of days?
Should I just keep my mouth shut and carry on AsIf nothing has changed? Knowing about OM doesn't really change anything anyway. It just stung when I found out although I highly suspected OM for the last few months. It did help me become more detached because now, I know that there is no immediate hope that she will want to R. Knowing that there is not immediate hope for R helps keep me moving forward with my life.
It didn't even feel that good when I did it. I was just hurt and confused. I did a bunch of the no no stuff in that state that I now wish I hadn't. I think it did more harm that good really. It just made my W think she had done too much damage and that it wasn't fixable. Also opened them up to be guilt free and make their A official, now with my blessing.
From most of what I have seen on the boards, your bringing up that you know about OM is not going to be very productive. If its not a deal breaker for you, then just work on being a better H and detatch. Wish I would have done this, as I had suspected of OM and just let emotions take over when it was confirmed.
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
I agree with you. I will refrain from saying anything for the time being, however, I reserve the right to change that decision at anytime.
I was away at work when I found out for sure. That helped because it gave me time to calm down and compose myself.
Nomore, you are an example of why this BB is so great. By sharing our situations, we can learn what works and what doesn't. Thank you for your insight.
These boards and sharing definitely helps trying to find your way in situations where you thought you were alone.
Its definitely up to you how you deal with OM and when to reveal. My only comment would be to prepare yourself for that time and try to make sure its a decision and not a reaction. It will be tough because there is a ton of emotion that will come with it, but if you can pull it off you will probably be better off in the long run.
In my sitch, I acted out of pure emotion and broke almost every rule in the first few hours after discussing with the W. I might not be in as deep as I am now if I had just walked away and come back and dealt with things rationally.
me: 30 XW:28 tgthr:4 m:1 no kids BD: June 2013 D: Jan 2014
